New Blog Address

Moved to WordPress... here's the address http://alwaysjustonemorething.us/ Now the question is will I ever write anything?

rear-view tears

I look in my rear-view mirror as I drive down the road in my mini-van and see three beautiful faces smiling back at me. I realize, again, that this is my life and these precious little ones are a gift given to me to teach and train, then the tears begin to build. I am amazed!

Three years ago we started the process to add baby number three. 17 months after we started, we started over again because we had found our daughter and knew she was ours. Now, 19 months later she is home. (Here come the tears again.) Her smile brightens my day, her laugh makes me laugh, sometimes her cries make we want to cry. I love her. She is mine, and she is home.

Thank you, God.

6 months later

Not much has changed. Still waiting for my little girl to come home... could be any time now. There's a court hearing next week so we're praying that we get some good news.

I've been sitting here reading old posts and it makes me really miss writing. I wish that I could say I'm going to be faithful at it, but life gets in the way. I'm trying to figure out this whole homeschooling 2 kids at once thing and I know that soon I will be adding a toddler into the mix, so my life is not about to get easier. I am thankful for this season of my life. It is different than anything I have ever experienced or ever expected, but I think I like it. I'm still learning what it looks like to be a homeschooling mom, but for the first time since we started I really feel like this is what I want to be doing (not just what I should be doing).

God has truly blessed me. He is holding me close even when it is a struggle for me to hold onto him. These almost three years of waiting for our daughter have been long and draining, both emotionally and spiritually, but I do know that God is faithful and His plan is perfect. I don't always understand it, but I know I can trust it. Some days are better than others. So are some weeks.

Will I Ever Learn?

As I read Exodus, I keep thinking how strange it is that the people of Israel become inconvenienced and immediately start saying "If only you had left us in Egypt..." They just seem stupid, and oblivious to the provisions and blessings from God.

Suddenly I realized 'I'm just as stupid as them'. When I am annoyed or inconvenienced I start asking "Why is this my life?" or saying "If only (insert circumstance or person's name) were different".

I am missing the blessings of God because I am so caught up in feeling sorry for myself. He is giving me opportunities to learn, grow, and love; and I am missing them because I am angry that things aren't the way I wish they were.

When I Grow Up

All I ever wanted to grow up to be was a wife and a mom. I would be domestic and sweet. My husband would be romantic, showing up with flowers and gifts at random. My kids would be well-behaved all of the time. I would never yell, like other mothers do, and I would never wish I could be somewhere else... anywhere else. Hmmm... that is not at all what this is like.

I am broken and it's in my face. I am so thankful for the blood of Jesus and that it is by the work that he did on the Cross that I am saved. If it had anything to do with me I would be in real trouble.

Thank you, God, for your gracious love.

A Poem by Ella Conrad Cowherd

I'm too tired to trust and too tired to pray,
Said one, as the over-taxed strength gave way.
The one conscious thought by my mind possessed,
Is, oh, could I just drop it all and rest.

Will God forgive me, do you suppose,
If I go right to sleep as a baby goes,
Without an asking if I may,
Without every trying to trust and pray?

Will God forgive you? Think back, dear heart,
When language to you was an unknown art,
Did a mother deny you needed rest,
Or refuse to pillow your head on her breast?

Did she let you want when you could not ask?
Did she set her child an unequal task?
Or did she cradle you in her arms,
And then guard your slumber against alarms?

Ah, how quickly a mother's love can see,
The unconscious yearnings of infancy.
When you've grown too tired to trust and pray,
When over-wrought nature has quite given way:

Then just drop it all, and give up to rest,
As you used to do on a mother's breast,
He knows all about it---the dear Lord knows,
So just go to sleep as a baby goes;

Without even asking if you may,
God knows when His child is too tired to pray.
He judges not solely by uttered prayer,
He knows when the yearnings of love are there.

He knows you do pray, He knows you do trust,
And He knows, too, the limits of poor, weak dust.
Oh, the wonderful sympathy of Christ,
For His chosen ones in that midnight tryst,

When He bade them "Sleep and take your rest",
While on Him the guilt of the whole world pressed---
You have trusted you life to Him to keep,
Then don't be afraid to go right to sleep."

Giving up

I think it's time to give up on blogging. When I do have the time to do it I don't feel like doing it, and I am always annoyed that I have a blog on which I never post. So, I done being bothered by it. If I feel like writing something I will, but the rest of the time I will not bother. Maybe some day I will write more, but today is not that day and I don't think that this is the year either.

On that note, I will leave for now by sharing this bit of information...

Our adoption plans have changed. We are now adopting from India, because that is where God has shown us our daughter is. Her name will be Amanda and we hope that she will be home by fall. She will be six months old in six days. It's amazing to see how God has worked in all of this. He is teaching us to trust him for all of the details. If our papers had arrived in the normal time frame (about which we were irritated when they hadn't) we would have sent everything off before we ever knew about Amanda. We are thrilled to know her and miss her even though we have not yet had the privilege of holding her in our arms. We are busy completing paperwork and getting our house ready for our little girl. We can't wait to have her home!

And that's all for now.