Okay, Okay...

I know it's been forever. And this post will prove to be less than fascinating, but at least it's an update.

We put an offer on a house and it has been accepted. Our house is on the market and we are praying that it will sell quickly. We could potentially purchase the new home with our house still on the market but we don't really want to have two mortgages. I trust that God has already arranged what is best for us, so I'm not too worried. Though my sinful human nature worships control, so I do find myself feeling a bit anxious at times.

We shipped Andy S. off to India yesterday on a mission trip, so the boys and I are holding down the fort while he is away. I didn't expect it to be so hard to say good bye but it has been much more difficult than I expected. We've never been apart this long and I miss him already. I am so glad he is there though. We covet your prayers while he is away, for both the team and for the families left behind.

We attended our International Adoption Information Meeting on Tuesday night and it was a wonderful time for us. There was a lot of information (hence the title "information meeting") and it was a lot to absorb. It could have proven to be a bit overwhelming but as of now it has just gotten us more excited to get started. We are waiting for the Ethiopia program to open with our agency before we move forward because we believe that is the direction we should go in. Although, we are also finding ourselves open to much more special needs than we had originally thought so we'll see what God does. We know that He has already chosen the child for our family, just as he has chosen us for each other and our boys with their special personalities to be our children. When it's right I am confident that we will just know it.

Right now I feel like all of my life goes against my insatiable desire to be in control. The good news is that that is exactly what I need. I need to be stripped away of all that I worship that is not God.

Now, If you know anyone looking for a house in New Castle County here is a listing for a real winner: http://homes.realtor.com/prop/1088374986


Here's a few pics of the inside of our new house:

Living room

TV room

Master Bed

Office

There's work to be done!

I want to post, but there's work to be done. This is just a quick update...

We're moving!!! We saw a house last night that we really liked and it is only about two minutes from where we are now, so it wouldn't change Andy's commute to work, which is nice. We are going to try to look at a few more (we saw seven last night), but everything in me says this is the right house. It has the space we need for a price that is right. Sure, there are a few things I would change about it but nothing that really matters. I can envision myself spending the rest of my life there and raising a family. I told Andy that the bedrooms are so big we could put at least two kids in each. So, that puts us up to six kids (ha, ha) I shouldn't laugh at that. You never know what God is going to do and having six kids doesn't sound so crazy to me anymore.

I have more to say about all that is going on right now and the things I am learning, but no time to post. There's work to be done! We have to get this house sold.

A family for a child...

... not a child for a family.

This morning we filled out our preliminary application for international adoption. One of the questions was "What gender do you prefer?" Our definite answer is "male". The next question was "Will you accept either?" Ummmm.... We left that one blank for a minute or two as we answered the other questions. Then we talk about it. The conversation went something like this:

Andy: We aren't doing this for us, we are doing this for our child.

Janet: If we were pregnant we would accept our biological child regardless of the gender, why would it be any different in these circumstances?

Andy: I really would like another boy.

Janet: Me too. It's good to know that God is in control and He knows what is best for our family so lets just trust Him. If he wants us to have a daughter then we will love her as much as we would a son.

Andy: (checks "yes" box for we will accept either)

God is so good to us and we are so thankful for all that He is teaching us. I know that this adoption road can be a long one and I am looking forward to all that God is going to teach us in the process. I can't wait to meet my new baby. I feel the same emotions that I felt both times I found out I was pregnant. I am so excited and already falling in love with this child that I do not yet know. It's all a little surreal.

The plight of the orphan

Well, hubby and I have been home for about 3 days from a missions trip to Ukraine. We went there to serve in an orphanage in the rural town of Tulchyn. We spent 5 days at the orphanage. My primary purpose was to spend time loving and holding the children (something that they do not experience very often). Andy was working with an incredible team of men digging ditches to install a new sewer system for the orphanage.This picture is short one ditch digger.

Now that we are home I am finding it very difficult to find the words to describe what we saw and how it affected us. The very first day we visited the orphanage was beyond overwhelming. I found myself in tears nearly every five minutes and by the evening all I could do was sit on Andy's bed and sob. When we arrived at the orphanage we were given a tour of all of the facilities. Every room we entered smelled of urine. The children looked weak and lonely. Many of the children are not held at all except to be moved from one place to another. Thinking back I don't think I saw even one worker get down onto the level of the children to comfort them or teach them about anything. Even when the children were crying they were just told to stop. The children do not wear disposable diapers, but their cloth diapers are nothing like what we think of here in America either. Their diapers are more like the thinnest least desirable rags in my cleaning closet. When the children relieve themselves the urine comes right out of the rag and sits in the crib where they are all laying together. The cribs are nothing more than a solid plank of wood with a thin sheet laid over them. This is what they sleep on. The children rock themselves back and forth in their cribs in order to achieve some level of self comfort and often all it takes to calm them from this action is a loving stroke on the cheek and hand to rest their head in. Most every child is covered in a rash from scabies. This, mind you, is one of the top rated orphanages in Ukraine.

Think of what you would do if it was your child living in these conditions. We would turn the world upside down in order to remedy these conditions if these were our children. So, here's the thing... They are all created in God's image and this is not how God intended for people created in his image to live. We live in a broken world and this is one of the many results of our broken sinfulness. Knowing how these children are living, many of them barely surviving, must result in action on our part. What can we do?

The pastor of our church, who was with us on this trip, sent an email out to our group and in it were questions that are certainly plaguing Andy and me, and I am certain the rest of the group too... What will become of these children? Who will hold and hug them in our absence? Who will pick up where we left off in teaching them stories from the Bible? Who will sing to them?

We know that God is in control, and what we need to do is pray. Pray that families will be reunited and the children will be taken out of the orphanage to live with their families. Pray that God would raise up a church in this place that will be committed to spreading the gospel and supporting the local families and orphans. Pray that God would raise up families who are willing to adopt these children into their families and love them as their own.

I also believe that we can act purposefully to care for these kids on an ongoing basis. I hope and pray that we will be able to return to further care for them. We hope to form a partnership with this orphanage in order to promote better care of the children there and see more children placed in forever families. I pray that others around this country and the world would consider more fervently the plight of the orphan and consider what steps they can take to make a difference in the lives of these children.

Consider the words to this song...

Masterpiece
by Sandi Patty

Before you had a name or opened up your eyes or anyone could recognize your face,
You were being formed so delicate in size
Secluded in God's safe and hidden place.
With your little tiny hands and little tiny feet and little eyes that shimmer like a pearl,
He breathed in you a song and to make it all complete
He brought the masterpiece into the world.
You are a masterpiece,
a new creation He has formed,
and you're as soft and fresh as a snowy winter's morn.
And I'm so glad that God has given you to me.
Little lamb of God
You are a masterpiece.

Every child made in God's image is a masterpiece and deserves to be treated as such.

James 1:27
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and keep oneself unstained from the world.

Dream Dinners

Alrighty, now for the fun stuff...

A friend of mine invited me to a "Dream Dinners" party the other night and I can't wait to tell everyone about it. The group of women who was invited met at the store and we all learned about how this Dream Dinners things works. Basically you schedule an appointment to go in to the store, you give them a list of the meals you want to prepare (chosen from their monthly menu), and then you go in and make a month worth of meals in 2 hours. They have all of the ingredients and recipes prepared so you just put it together and put it in a bag with cooking instructions and freeze it until you are ready to cook it. I will be going back in the first week of July to make my first group of meals. I chose to make 78 servings, which for us is about 29 days worth of meals, and it is only costing me $200. That is a month worth of entrees for $200. Sweet! Anyway, I just thought I would share this awesome discovery with you. I've heard of some others like it, but they were a bit more pricey. If you have something like this in your area and the prices aren't too bad I would suggest checking it out. Plus it is great fun to go with friends who might like to do it too.

It ain't easy bein' mean

Okay, this is the post I was trying to write but couldn't pull myself together long enough to get the words out. If you're wondering, I am feeling much more like a human and a lot less like a monster who could bite your head off at any given moment. Although I do seem to be experiencing an unfortunate emotional "funk" that I am familiar with, but don't notice very often these days. That symptom is some pretty intense anxiety when I am in a group of people, even ones that I know. Weird, huh? I know it will pass too. I used to struggle with this feeling often so it is no surprise to me that after a really tough week I have that one last hurdle. Anyway, here's what I wanted to say before. Just change the yesterday to "A week or two ago..."

Yesterday as we were driving down the road I said to Andy "Sometimes I wish I could just get the flu or something. I would rather spike a fever and be throwing up than have to get up every day and do my job. I am tired and I want a break. I want to be able to stay in bed and have someone take care of me even if it means being sick." In the quietness I am sure Andy was thinking "Okay, she's really losing it now" but he said nothing. Moments later I was thinking about how much I do love these frustrating little creatures. I, of course, shared this thought with hubby and apologized for the complaining. I do love them and would never want a job other than the one I have. I was reminding us that children are a blessing from the Lord. Psalm 127:3 says "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." Parenting is hard work and sometimes it is easy to forget what a blessing it is. Not to mention the extra blessing I have been granted in being able to stay at home with my boys. When we got home I decided to spend sometime focusing on the blessing that children are and spend some time studying the Bible for encouragement and wisdom. I also decided to read a book that a friend recently lent to me called Parenting Isn't For Cowards by Dr. James Dobson. At the end of the first chapter was the following paragraph:

"I don't believe that the task of procreation was intended to be so burdensome. Of course it is demanding. But modern parents have saddled themselves with unnecessary guilt, fear, and self-doubt. That is not the divine plan. Throughout the Scriptures, it is quite clear that the raising of children was viewed as a wonderful blessing from God-a welcome, joyful experience. And today, it remains one of the greatest privileges in living to bring a baby into the world... a vulnerable little human being who looks to us for all his needs. What a wonderful opportunity it is to teach these little one to love God with all their hearts and to serve their fellow man throughout their lives. There is no higher calling than that!"

Wow. What a great reminder this was of that blessing I was talking about. I've been spending a good deal of time thinking about what my job is as a mom. God says in Proverbs 13:24 "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him" Rather than recognizing that it is my responsibility to discipline I just feel like I am being mean. I believe that the guilt I feel for making my children obey is an attack from the enemy. He wants me to believe that I am not a good mom or that I am doing things wrong so that I might just give up on the whole thing. But God promises that if I do as he has commanded he will bless that. "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6. Of course I am not doing everything right. If you know someone who is please give me their number I would love to talk to them. The good news is that I don't have to do it all right. Without God working in and through me I can't do any of it at all. I trust that God can use this broken, sinful woman to bring glory to Him, and that's what it is all about. Others may not think my children are perfect and that's okay because they're not. I am just going to keep praying and believing. I will pray for all of you others mom too. When you get tired of the saying the same things a hundred times a day or feel like you have spent your entire day disciplining and just want to say "forget it" remember you're not alone. There are a million of us out here and if we are honest we all have days that we want to give up. What's better than knowing you're not alone because other moms feel this way too is knowing that you are not alone because God is always there. Surrender to him. Tell him you can't do it and you need his help. He will help. "As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!" Psalm 40:17

Miserable

Okay, I've been writing a post for two days about some things I have been thinking about this week, but I am sitting here trying to finish it and all I can think about is how angry I am.

Angry? About what? I don't know. I am just miserable about everything. I feel like I am under attack. I just keep begging God to change my attitude because I know I can't change it on my own. Every time I decide to be more pleasant or less irritable I just collapse again. I don't even feel like I can function. I feel terrible for my family. They can't possibly want to be around me. I don't even want to be around myself. Ugh!