When I Grow Up

All I ever wanted to grow up to be was a wife and a mom. I would be domestic and sweet. My husband would be romantic, showing up with flowers and gifts at random. My kids would be well-behaved all of the time. I would never yell, like other mothers do, and I would never wish I could be somewhere else... anywhere else. Hmmm... that is not at all what this is like.

I am broken and it's in my face. I am so thankful for the blood of Jesus and that it is by the work that he did on the Cross that I am saved. If it had anything to do with me I would be in real trouble.

Thank you, God, for your gracious love.

A Poem by Ella Conrad Cowherd

I'm too tired to trust and too tired to pray,
Said one, as the over-taxed strength gave way.
The one conscious thought by my mind possessed,
Is, oh, could I just drop it all and rest.

Will God forgive me, do you suppose,
If I go right to sleep as a baby goes,
Without an asking if I may,
Without every trying to trust and pray?

Will God forgive you? Think back, dear heart,
When language to you was an unknown art,
Did a mother deny you needed rest,
Or refuse to pillow your head on her breast?

Did she let you want when you could not ask?
Did she set her child an unequal task?
Or did she cradle you in her arms,
And then guard your slumber against alarms?

Ah, how quickly a mother's love can see,
The unconscious yearnings of infancy.
When you've grown too tired to trust and pray,
When over-wrought nature has quite given way:

Then just drop it all, and give up to rest,
As you used to do on a mother's breast,
He knows all about it---the dear Lord knows,
So just go to sleep as a baby goes;

Without even asking if you may,
God knows when His child is too tired to pray.
He judges not solely by uttered prayer,
He knows when the yearnings of love are there.

He knows you do pray, He knows you do trust,
And He knows, too, the limits of poor, weak dust.
Oh, the wonderful sympathy of Christ,
For His chosen ones in that midnight tryst,

When He bade them "Sleep and take your rest",
While on Him the guilt of the whole world pressed---
You have trusted you life to Him to keep,
Then don't be afraid to go right to sleep."