That's right, you read it correctly. I got the season's most desired gift from hubby. What does this mean? It means that today most of the muscles on the right side of my body are in terrible pain. I have wanted a Wii for a while, but definitely didn't think I would be getting one anytime soon.
Anyway... just a couple of days before Christmas I was standing in the check out line at the grocery store and a conversation about being done Christmas shopping began. Three other women and myself were sharing what stage of the game we were in. One women said she likes to wait until the last minute because you get all the best deals if you do this. I didn't say it, but I thought about the stress that would cause for me. I think an ulcer started to form just thinking about attempting that for the sake of a few bucks. (To give you an idea of how true this is of me, I already bought 3 Christmas gifts for next year.) Then the conversation turned to the Wii. Each women (all a good deal older than myself) said they couldn't believe how people will stand in line for one of those "silly" games. I quickly responded, without thinking, "Well, that is THE coolest game I have ever played! I might stand in line for one, but I guess it depends on how long the line is." I wish I had a camera to take a picture of the looks on their faces. I suddenly realized that I was the baby in the group and that they all suddenly thought I was much too immature to be a part of this conversation. Well, I hope they are all having fun with their new toaster ovens and wool socks while I am having a blast laughing and playing games with my boys.
It is the BEST gift ever! Thanks, Honey!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
That's My Boy!
I laughed so hard I cried. I am so proud of him (and so glad we didn't forget our camera)!
Monday, December 10, 2007
too tired to write
I've been in a funk that I don't feel like writing about. With that being said, I thought I would direct you to our family photo page that I just updated for the first time in 7 months. I can't believe it's been that long, though it does make it seem like I post here pretty often when I compare it to that :o) Here's the link... http://clarkliving.blogspot.com/index.html
Enjoy.
p.s. In good news, we got our criminal history checks back already. This could have potentially held up the adoption process because it has been taking so long for them to come back, but our only took 4 weeks (others have been taking up to 4 months recently). Oh, and we're not criminals. We have the papers to prove it!
Enjoy.
p.s. In good news, we got our criminal history checks back already. This could have potentially held up the adoption process because it has been taking so long for them to come back, but our only took 4 weeks (others have been taking up to 4 months recently). Oh, and we're not criminals. We have the papers to prove it!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Settlement Day
Tomorrow is settlement day on our new house. We got some great news yesterday... We are getting the house for $8,000 less than we originally planned. Yippee!!! I am so thankful for this blessing, not just because it is saving us a little money, but because even in suffering I see God's faithfulness in confirming that we are inside of His will. With some of the things going on in our lives lately it would be easy to start to second guess what we know God has called us to, but He encourages us to press on. I believe that God is in all things and that every good and perfect gift comes from him, so it is to him that I credit this bit of good news. That being said, I also recognize that the suffering that we are experiencing is an attack from the enemy that God is allowing us to endure. He could take the suffering away, he has the power to do that but he chooses not to. Why? His allowing us to suffer is also a good and perfect gift because it will result in being pressed deeper into God. That is where I want to be.
Anyway, we start moving boxes tomorrow (as well as cleaning the place) and I will continue that process over the next few days. Saturday is the real moving day (with the big truck). Hopefully all that will be left to do on the weekend is move big pieces of furniture. I'll try to post some pics once we have the chance to make it look like our home sweet home.
Anyway, we start moving boxes tomorrow (as well as cleaning the place) and I will continue that process over the next few days. Saturday is the real moving day (with the big truck). Hopefully all that will be left to do on the weekend is move big pieces of furniture. I'll try to post some pics once we have the chance to make it look like our home sweet home.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I could say so much...
...but I won't.
The past five days have been something to write about, and yet I feel entirely incapable of doing that. I will say just a few things... God sent a man and his wife to our church to minister to us and to challenge us. Andy had the privilege of spending a week in India with this family in September and I am so thankful for the opportunity I have had to get to know them over the last few days and be encouraged by them. It has very little to do with the fact that they are such captivating speakers and so very much to do with the fact that the true desire of their hearts is to see God glorified. God has been preparing us to be a part of spreading the gospel globally and has graciously been preparing us for some of the ways this calling will affect our lives. I think I could comment on the entire book of 1 Peter right now, but I don't have the energy. My heart is heavy. Satan is attacking and he wants us to be distracted, but I know that we are not alone. Jesus is with us and promises not to leave us or forsake us. We were reminded this week in Luke 9:62 that Jesus said "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." God will grant us the strength to press on and not look back.
I will keep my commentary on 1 Peter limited to this, though there is so much I could say. 1 Peter 1:24-25 says “All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.' And this word is the good news that was preached to you." So concise! Nothing else matters but the word of the Lord. All that I cling to in this world will be gone, but his word will endure. Sharing the gospel is more important than my comfort, my reputation, or any other idol that I set up for myself.
The past five days have been something to write about, and yet I feel entirely incapable of doing that. I will say just a few things... God sent a man and his wife to our church to minister to us and to challenge us. Andy had the privilege of spending a week in India with this family in September and I am so thankful for the opportunity I have had to get to know them over the last few days and be encouraged by them. It has very little to do with the fact that they are such captivating speakers and so very much to do with the fact that the true desire of their hearts is to see God glorified. God has been preparing us to be a part of spreading the gospel globally and has graciously been preparing us for some of the ways this calling will affect our lives. I think I could comment on the entire book of 1 Peter right now, but I don't have the energy. My heart is heavy. Satan is attacking and he wants us to be distracted, but I know that we are not alone. Jesus is with us and promises not to leave us or forsake us. We were reminded this week in Luke 9:62 that Jesus said "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." God will grant us the strength to press on and not look back.
I will keep my commentary on 1 Peter limited to this, though there is so much I could say. 1 Peter 1:24-25 says “All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.' And this word is the good news that was preached to you." So concise! Nothing else matters but the word of the Lord. All that I cling to in this world will be gone, but his word will endure. Sharing the gospel is more important than my comfort, my reputation, or any other idol that I set up for myself.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Adoption, etc.
If you have talked to me at all in the past two or three weeks you probably know that we have finally begun the adoption process in an official way. After reading, waiting, and certainly some degree of impatience because of an the inability to make a decision, we have decided to pursue adoption from Ethiopia. We are hoping to adopt a child in the age range of infant to 18 months and we don't know if it will be a boy or girl. We are currently in the process of completing some initial paperwork and gathering some necessary documents. We have our first official Home Study appointment the first week of November (where we will go ever all the documents and information needed for our dossier) and hope to have our entire home study completed by mid-December. That is of course all but our fingerprinting. We can not go to be fingerprinted until me move and then we have to wait for the state of Delaware to process the criminal and background checks (which is currently taking up to four months). Once that comes back our home study will be officially complete and we can send all of our documents to Ethiopia for translation. And then we WAIT. We wait for a referral (information on the child they have matched us with) and then once we accept the referral we will travel about two months later. This all sounds like it could move pretty quickly but we imagine it will take about 18-24 months. It could be shorter or it could be longer. We don't have any real expectations, but are hopeful that it will be shorter rather than longer.
In other news...
We had a birthday party for the boys yesterday which was fun. Connor will be two on Friday and Andy will be four next Sunday. Man, time flies!!!
We are settling on our new house on October 31 and moving that weekend. We are very excited! Our house still hasn't sold, but we trust that God has a plan. We just don't know what it is yet.
Monday, October 1, 2007
rambling on the easy life
In church yesterday our pastor preached on Daniel chapter 3. Here's what stood out to me, especially regarding the things going on in our life right now...
You probably know the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, even if you are not a church goer. Here's a recap... It's a miracle story where three men stand up for what they believe in, God. They refuse to worship any other God and because of their refusal to worship other gods they are thrown into a fiery furnace. While three men are thrown into the furnace the king sees four men walking together through the flames. He opens the door and calls the men out of the furnace. They exit the furnace and not a single hair on their heads had been singed.
Before the men are thrown into the fiery furnace this is what they say to King Nebuchadnezzer:
Daniel 3:16-1816 "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”
They didn't agree to stand up for God and what he commanded because they knew he would rescue them in the fire. They believed that he was able to rescue them, but understood that in His perfect plan he may not do that. They placed no expectation on God to "come through" for them. S, M, & A understood that it was about God's glory and not their own. Surely they did not want to burn up in the fiery furnace but they said they would not conform in order to protect themselves.
I should begin by saying that no one has told me that if I do not do something they will throw me into a furnace, which makes it all the more sad that I struggle to trust God in these circumstances. Rather than seeking God's glory I seek my own and seek to protect my reputation. I doubt God's provision, or rather question what that provision actually looks like.
As I shared, probably months ago, we sense a very clear calling to expand our family through adoption. In order to adopt we need to move to a new home with more bedrooms. It's easy to say "God, we are moving so that we can adopt, which we know you want us to do. So, sell our house quickly." Then I expect that to happen. Yesterday I realized that I am expecting God to do this for us rather than trusting that he will work it all for our good and His glory. What are we supposed to do then? Obey. Trust the calling that God has laid on our hearts and believe what He has promised. We are never alone. He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Can God sell our house? Yes. Does God have to sell our house? No. I want my attitude to be like S, M, & A's... "Lord, you can deliver us from this, but if you choose not to we will still trust you and obey."
I am so worried about whether others will think we are making a mistake moving into our new home while our house is still on the market. I feel a desperate need to justify our actions and make others approve of our decisions. I even want to try to explain it to those who would just think we were even more crazy for doing it with the reasons we have. I feel a drive to conform to what this world would consider "responsible" rather than trusting God to provide for our family, however He sees fit. I have even found myself thinking "maybe this is God's way of telling us not to adopt." The reality of that thought is that I am expecting that if I do what God is calling me to do things should be easy, and because they are difficult I want to give up. In that I am giving into the idea that life is intended to be easy. God's word says just the opposite about the believers life... "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him." Romans 8:16-17.
This all leads me to believe that if my life is easy there might be something wrong. My life has been easy for so long I wonder how many ways I have conformed in order to keep it that way. What negotiations am I making with God in order to keep everything in my life calm and simple? If someone said to me "bow down to this idol or we'll throw you into the furnace" would I say "God can rescue me from this if He chooses and if not I still believe what He has promised"? Or, would I bow down intending to repent and seek forgiveness later? Would I justify my disbelief by telling God I have to do it because my kids need their mom? Would I suggest that because of the grace of God in sending Jesus to forgive me from such sins that I do not have to trust God and obey? There is such a fine line between this life of obedience that God has called us to as his children and living a life of legalism. Because of God's grace my heart desires to trust and obey, because of my sinfulness I fail. Thank you God, for sending Jesus!
You probably know the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, even if you are not a church goer. Here's a recap... It's a miracle story where three men stand up for what they believe in, God. They refuse to worship any other God and because of their refusal to worship other gods they are thrown into a fiery furnace. While three men are thrown into the furnace the king sees four men walking together through the flames. He opens the door and calls the men out of the furnace. They exit the furnace and not a single hair on their heads had been singed.
Before the men are thrown into the fiery furnace this is what they say to King Nebuchadnezzer:
Daniel 3:16-1816 "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”
They didn't agree to stand up for God and what he commanded because they knew he would rescue them in the fire. They believed that he was able to rescue them, but understood that in His perfect plan he may not do that. They placed no expectation on God to "come through" for them. S, M, & A understood that it was about God's glory and not their own. Surely they did not want to burn up in the fiery furnace but they said they would not conform in order to protect themselves.
I should begin by saying that no one has told me that if I do not do something they will throw me into a furnace, which makes it all the more sad that I struggle to trust God in these circumstances. Rather than seeking God's glory I seek my own and seek to protect my reputation. I doubt God's provision, or rather question what that provision actually looks like.
As I shared, probably months ago, we sense a very clear calling to expand our family through adoption. In order to adopt we need to move to a new home with more bedrooms. It's easy to say "God, we are moving so that we can adopt, which we know you want us to do. So, sell our house quickly." Then I expect that to happen. Yesterday I realized that I am expecting God to do this for us rather than trusting that he will work it all for our good and His glory. What are we supposed to do then? Obey. Trust the calling that God has laid on our hearts and believe what He has promised. We are never alone. He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Can God sell our house? Yes. Does God have to sell our house? No. I want my attitude to be like S, M, & A's... "Lord, you can deliver us from this, but if you choose not to we will still trust you and obey."
I am so worried about whether others will think we are making a mistake moving into our new home while our house is still on the market. I feel a desperate need to justify our actions and make others approve of our decisions. I even want to try to explain it to those who would just think we were even more crazy for doing it with the reasons we have. I feel a drive to conform to what this world would consider "responsible" rather than trusting God to provide for our family, however He sees fit. I have even found myself thinking "maybe this is God's way of telling us not to adopt." The reality of that thought is that I am expecting that if I do what God is calling me to do things should be easy, and because they are difficult I want to give up. In that I am giving into the idea that life is intended to be easy. God's word says just the opposite about the believers life... "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him." Romans 8:16-17.
This all leads me to believe that if my life is easy there might be something wrong. My life has been easy for so long I wonder how many ways I have conformed in order to keep it that way. What negotiations am I making with God in order to keep everything in my life calm and simple? If someone said to me "bow down to this idol or we'll throw you into the furnace" would I say "God can rescue me from this if He chooses and if not I still believe what He has promised"? Or, would I bow down intending to repent and seek forgiveness later? Would I justify my disbelief by telling God I have to do it because my kids need their mom? Would I suggest that because of the grace of God in sending Jesus to forgive me from such sins that I do not have to trust God and obey? There is such a fine line between this life of obedience that God has called us to as his children and living a life of legalism. Because of God's grace my heart desires to trust and obey, because of my sinfulness I fail. Thank you God, for sending Jesus!
Friday, September 7, 2007
Okay, Okay...
I know it's been forever. And this post will prove to be less than fascinating, but at least it's an update.
We put an offer on a house and it has been accepted. Our house is on the market and we are praying that it will sell quickly. We could potentially purchase the new home with our house still on the market but we don't really want to have two mortgages. I trust that God has already arranged what is best for us, so I'm not too worried. Though my sinful human nature worships control, so I do find myself feeling a bit anxious at times.
We shipped Andy S. off to India yesterday on a mission trip, so the boys and I are holding down the fort while he is away. I didn't expect it to be so hard to say good bye but it has been much more difficult than I expected. We've never been apart this long and I miss him already. I am so glad he is there though. We covet your prayers while he is away, for both the team and for the families left behind.
We attended our International Adoption Information Meeting on Tuesday night and it was a wonderful time for us. There was a lot of information (hence the title "information meeting") and it was a lot to absorb. It could have proven to be a bit overwhelming but as of now it has just gotten us more excited to get started. We are waiting for the Ethiopia program to open with our agency before we move forward because we believe that is the direction we should go in. Although, we are also finding ourselves open to much more special needs than we had originally thought so we'll see what God does. We know that He has already chosen the child for our family, just as he has chosen us for each other and our boys with their special personalities to be our children. When it's right I am confident that we will just know it.
Right now I feel like all of my life goes against my insatiable desire to be in control. The good news is that that is exactly what I need. I need to be stripped away of all that I worship that is not God.
Now, If you know anyone looking for a house in New Castle County here is a listing for a real winner: http://homes.realtor.com/prop/1088374986
Here's a few pics of the inside of our new house:
Living room
TV room
Master Bed
Office
We put an offer on a house and it has been accepted. Our house is on the market and we are praying that it will sell quickly. We could potentially purchase the new home with our house still on the market but we don't really want to have two mortgages. I trust that God has already arranged what is best for us, so I'm not too worried. Though my sinful human nature worships control, so I do find myself feeling a bit anxious at times.
We shipped Andy S. off to India yesterday on a mission trip, so the boys and I are holding down the fort while he is away. I didn't expect it to be so hard to say good bye but it has been much more difficult than I expected. We've never been apart this long and I miss him already. I am so glad he is there though. We covet your prayers while he is away, for both the team and for the families left behind.
We attended our International Adoption Information Meeting on Tuesday night and it was a wonderful time for us. There was a lot of information (hence the title "information meeting") and it was a lot to absorb. It could have proven to be a bit overwhelming but as of now it has just gotten us more excited to get started. We are waiting for the Ethiopia program to open with our agency before we move forward because we believe that is the direction we should go in. Although, we are also finding ourselves open to much more special needs than we had originally thought so we'll see what God does. We know that He has already chosen the child for our family, just as he has chosen us for each other and our boys with their special personalities to be our children. When it's right I am confident that we will just know it.
Right now I feel like all of my life goes against my insatiable desire to be in control. The good news is that that is exactly what I need. I need to be stripped away of all that I worship that is not God.
Now, If you know anyone looking for a house in New Castle County here is a listing for a real winner: http://homes.realtor.com/prop
Here's a few pics of the inside of our new house:
Living room
TV room
Master Bed
OfficeSaturday, August 18, 2007
There's work to be done!
I want to post, but there's work to be done. This is just a quick update...
We're moving!!! We saw a house last night that we really liked and it is only about two minutes from where we are now, so it wouldn't change Andy's commute to work, which is nice. We are going to try to look at a few more (we saw seven last night), but everything in me says this is the right house. It has the space we need for a price that is right. Sure, there are a few things I would change about it but nothing that really matters. I can envision myself spending the rest of my life there and raising a family. I told Andy that the bedrooms are so big we could put at least two kids in each. So, that puts us up to six kids (ha, ha) I shouldn't laugh at that. You never know what God is going to do and having six kids doesn't sound so crazy to me anymore.
I have more to say about all that is going on right now and the things I am learning, but no time to post. There's work to be done! We have to get this house sold.
We're moving!!! We saw a house last night that we really liked and it is only about two minutes from where we are now, so it wouldn't change Andy's commute to work, which is nice. We are going to try to look at a few more (we saw seven last night), but everything in me says this is the right house. It has the space we need for a price that is right. Sure, there are a few things I would change about it but nothing that really matters. I can envision myself spending the rest of my life there and raising a family. I told Andy that the bedrooms are so big we could put at least two kids in each. So, that puts us up to six kids (ha, ha) I shouldn't laugh at that. You never know what God is going to do and having six kids doesn't sound so crazy to me anymore.
I have more to say about all that is going on right now and the things I am learning, but no time to post. There's work to be done! We have to get this house sold.
Friday, July 27, 2007
A family for a child...
... not a child for a family.
This morning we filled out our preliminary application for international adoption. One of the questions was "What gender do you prefer?" Our definite answer is "male". The next question was "Will you accept either?" Ummmm.... We left that one blank for a minute or two as we answered the other questions. Then we talk about it. The conversation went something like this:
Andy: We aren't doing this for us, we are doing this for our child.
Janet: If we were pregnant we would accept our biological child regardless of the gender, why would it be any different in these circumstances?
Andy: I really would like another boy.
Janet: Me too. It's good to know that God is in control and He knows what is best for our family so lets just trust Him. If he wants us to have a daughter then we will love her as much as we would a son.
Andy: (checks "yes" box for we will accept either)
God is so good to us and we are so thankful for all that He is teaching us. I know that this adoption road can be a long one and I am looking forward to all that God is going to teach us in the process. I can't wait to meet my new baby. I feel the same emotions that I felt both times I found out I was pregnant. I am so excited and already falling in love with this child that I do not yet know. It's all a little surreal.
This morning we filled out our preliminary application for international adoption. One of the questions was "What gender do you prefer?" Our definite answer is "male". The next question was "Will you accept either?" Ummmm.... We left that one blank for a minute or two as we answered the other questions. Then we talk about it. The conversation went something like this:
Andy: We aren't doing this for us, we are doing this for our child.
Janet: If we were pregnant we would accept our biological child regardless of the gender, why would it be any different in these circumstances?
Andy: I really would like another boy.
Janet: Me too. It's good to know that God is in control and He knows what is best for our family so lets just trust Him. If he wants us to have a daughter then we will love her as much as we would a son.
Andy: (checks "yes" box for we will accept either)
God is so good to us and we are so thankful for all that He is teaching us. I know that this adoption road can be a long one and I am looking forward to all that God is going to teach us in the process. I can't wait to meet my new baby. I feel the same emotions that I felt both times I found out I was pregnant. I am so excited and already falling in love with this child that I do not yet know. It's all a little surreal.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
The plight of the orphan
Well, hubby and I have been home for about 3 days from a missions trip to Ukraine. We went there to serve in an orphanage in the rural town of Tulchyn. We spent 5 days at the orphanage. My primary purpose was to spend time loving and holding the children (something that they do not experience very often). Andy was working with an incredible team of men digging ditches to install a new sewer system for the orphanage.
This picture is short one ditch digger.
Now that we are home I am finding it very difficult to find the words to describe what we saw and how it affected us. The very first day we visited the orphanage was beyond overwhelming. I found myself in tears nearly every five minutes and by the evening all I could do was sit on Andy's bed and sob. When we arrived at the orphanage we were given a tour of all of the facilities. Every room we entered smelled of urine. The children looked weak and lonely. Many of the children are not held at all except to be moved from one place to another. Thinking back I don't think I saw even one worker get down onto the level of the children to comfort them or teach them about anything. Even when the children were crying they were just told to stop. The children do not wear disposable diapers, but their cloth diapers are nothing like what we think of here in America either. Their diapers are more like the thinnest least desirable rags in my cleaning closet. When the children relieve themselves the urine comes right out of the rag and sits in the crib where they are all laying together. The cribs are nothing more than a solid plank of wood with a thin sheet laid over them. This is what they sleep on. The children rock themselves back and forth in their cribs in order to achieve some level of self comfort and often all it takes to calm them from this action is a loving stroke on the cheek and hand to rest their head in. Most every child is covered in a rash from scabies. This, mind you, is one of the top rated orphanages in Ukraine.
Think of what you would do if it was your child living in these conditions. We would turn the world upside down in order to remedy these conditions if these were our children. So, here's the thing... They are all created in God's image and this is not how God intended for people created in his image to live. We live in a broken world and this is one of the many results of our broken sinfulness. Knowing how these children are living, many of them barely surviving, must result in action on our part. What can we do?
The pastor of our church, who was with us on this trip, sent an email out to our group and in it were questions that are certainly plaguing Andy and me, and I am certain the rest of the group too... What will become of these children? Who will hold and hug them in our absence? Who will pick up where we left off in teaching them stories from the Bible? Who will sing to them?
We know that God is in control, and what we need to do is pray. Pray that families will be reunited and the children will be taken out of the orphanage to live with their families. Pray that God would raise up a church in this place that will be committed to spreading the gospel and supporting the local families and orphans. Pray that God would raise up families who are willing to adopt these children into their families and love them as their own.
I also believe that we can act purposefully to care for these kids on an ongoing basis. I hope and pray that we will be able to return to further care for them. We hope to form a partnership with this orphanage in order to promote better care of the children there and see more children placed in forever families. I pray that others around this country and the world would consider more fervently the plight of the orphan and consider what steps they can take to make a difference in the lives of these children.
Consider the words to this song...
Masterpiece
by Sandi Patty
Before you had a name or opened up your eyes or anyone could recognize your face,
You were being formed so delicate in size
Secluded in God's safe and hidden place.
With your little tiny hands and little tiny feet and little eyes that shimmer like a pearl,
He breathed in you a song and to make it all complete
He brought the masterpiece into the world.
You are a masterpiece,
a new creation He has formed,
and you're as soft and fresh as a snowy winter's morn.
And I'm so glad that God has given you to me.
Little lamb of God
You are a masterpiece.
Every child made in God's image is a masterpiece and deserves to be treated as such.
James 1:27
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and keep oneself unstained from the world.
This picture is short one ditch digger.Now that we are home I am finding it very difficult to find the words to describe what we saw and how it affected us. The very first day we visited the orphanage was beyond overwhelming. I found myself in tears nearly every five minutes and by the evening all I could do was sit on Andy's bed and sob. When we arrived at the orphanage we were given a tour of all of the facilities. Every room we entered smelled of urine. The children looked weak and lonely. Many of the children are not held at all except to be moved from one place to another. Thinking back I don't think I saw even one worker get down onto the level of the children to comfort them or teach them about anything. Even when the children were crying they were just told to stop. The children do not wear disposable diapers, but their cloth diapers are nothing like what we think of here in America either. Their diapers are more like the thinnest least desirable rags in my cleaning closet. When the children relieve themselves the urine comes right out of the rag and sits in the crib where they are all laying together. The cribs are nothing more than a solid plank of wood with a thin sheet laid over them. This is what they sleep on. The children rock themselves back and forth in their cribs in order to achieve some level of self comfort and often all it takes to calm them from this action is a loving stroke on the cheek and hand to rest their head in. Most every child is covered in a rash from scabies. This, mind you, is one of the top rated orphanages in Ukraine.
Think of what you would do if it was your child living in these conditions. We would turn the world upside down in order to remedy these conditions if these were our children. So, here's the thing... They are all created in God's image and this is not how God intended for people created in his image to live. We live in a broken world and this is one of the many results of our broken sinfulness. Knowing how these children are living, many of them barely surviving, must result in action on our part. What can we do?
The pastor of our church, who was with us on this trip, sent an email out to our group and in it were questions that are certainly plaguing Andy and me, and I am certain the rest of the group too... What will become of these children? Who will hold and hug them in our absence? Who will pick up where we left off in teaching them stories from the Bible? Who will sing to them?
We know that God is in control, and what we need to do is pray. Pray that families will be reunited and the children will be taken out of the orphanage to live with their families. Pray that God would raise up a church in this place that will be committed to spreading the gospel and supporting the local families and orphans. Pray that God would raise up families who are willing to adopt these children into their families and love them as their own.
I also believe that we can act purposefully to care for these kids on an ongoing basis. I hope and pray that we will be able to return to further care for them. We hope to form a partnership with this orphanage in order to promote better care of the children there and see more children placed in forever families. I pray that others around this country and the world would consider more fervently the plight of the orphan and consider what steps they can take to make a difference in the lives of these children.
Consider the words to this song...
Masterpiece
by Sandi Patty
Before you had a name or opened up your eyes or anyone could recognize your face,
You were being formed so delicate in size
Secluded in God's safe and hidden place.
With your little tiny hands and little tiny feet and little eyes that shimmer like a pearl,
He breathed in you a song and to make it all complete
He brought the masterpiece into the world.
You are a masterpiece,
a new creation He has formed,
and you're as soft and fresh as a snowy winter's morn.
And I'm so glad that God has given you to me.
Little lamb of God
You are a masterpiece.
Every child made in God's image is a masterpiece and deserves to be treated as such.
James 1:27
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and keep oneself unstained from the world.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Dream Dinners
Alrighty, now for the fun stuff...
A friend of mine invited me to a "Dream Dinners" party the other night and I can't wait to tell everyone about it. The group of women who was invited met at the store and we all learned about how this Dream Dinners things works. Basically you schedule an appointment to go in to the store, you give them a list of the meals you want to prepare (chosen from their monthly menu), and then you go in and make a month worth of meals in 2 hours. They have all of the ingredients and recipes prepared so you just put it together and put it in a bag with cooking instructions and freeze it until you are ready to cook it. I will be going back in the first week of July to make my first group of meals. I chose to make 78 servings, which for us is about 29 days worth of meals, and it is only costing me $200. That is a month worth of entrees for $200. Sweet! Anyway, I just thought I would share this awesome discovery with you. I've heard of some others like it, but they were a bit more pricey. If you have something like this in your area and the prices aren't too bad I would suggest checking it out. Plus it is great fun to go with friends who might like to do it too.
A friend of mine invited me to a "Dream Dinners" party the other night and I can't wait to tell everyone about it. The group of women who was invited met at the store and we all learned about how this Dream Dinners things works. Basically you schedule an appointment to go in to the store, you give them a list of the meals you want to prepare (chosen from their monthly menu), and then you go in and make a month worth of meals in 2 hours. They have all of the ingredients and recipes prepared so you just put it together and put it in a bag with cooking instructions and freeze it until you are ready to cook it. I will be going back in the first week of July to make my first group of meals. I chose to make 78 servings, which for us is about 29 days worth of meals, and it is only costing me $200. That is a month worth of entrees for $200. Sweet! Anyway, I just thought I would share this awesome discovery with you. I've heard of some others like it, but they were a bit more pricey. If you have something like this in your area and the prices aren't too bad I would suggest checking it out. Plus it is great fun to go with friends who might like to do it too.
It ain't easy bein' mean
Okay, this is the post I was trying to write but couldn't pull myself together long enough to get the words out. If you're wondering, I am feeling much more like a human and a lot less like a monster who could bite your head off at any given moment. Although I do seem to be experiencing an unfortunate emotional "funk" that I am familiar with, but don't notice very often these days. That symptom is some pretty intense anxiety when I am in a group of people, even ones that I know. Weird, huh? I know it will pass too. I used to struggle with this feeling often so it is no surprise to me that after a really tough week I have that one last hurdle. Anyway, here's what I wanted to say before. Just change the yesterday to "A week or two ago..."
Yesterday as we were driving down the road I said to Andy "Sometimes I wish I could just get the flu or something. I would rather spike a fever and be throwing up than have to get up every day and do my job. I am tired and I want a break. I want to be able to stay in bed and have someone take care of me even if it means being sick." In the quietness I am sure Andy was thinking "Okay, she's really losing it now" but he said nothing. Moments later I was thinking about how much I do love these frustrating little creatures. I, of course, shared this thought with hubby and apologized for the complaining. I do love them and would never want a job other than the one I have. I was reminding us that children are a blessing from the Lord. Psalm 127:3 says "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." Parenting is hard work and sometimes it is easy to forget what a blessing it is. Not to mention the extra blessing I have been granted in being able to stay at home with my boys. When we got home I decided to spend sometime focusing on the blessing that children are and spend some time studying the Bible for encouragement and wisdom. I also decided to read a book that a friend recently lent to me called Parenting Isn't For Cowards by Dr. James Dobson. At the end of the first chapter was the following paragraph:
"I don't believe that the task of procreation was intended to be so burdensome. Of course it is demanding. But modern parents have saddled themselves with unnecessary guilt, fear, and self-doubt. That is not the divine plan. Throughout the Scriptures, it is quite clear that the raising of children was viewed as a wonderful blessing from God-a welcome, joyful experience. And today, it remains one of the greatest privileges in living to bring a baby into the world... a vulnerable little human being who looks to us for all his needs. What a wonderful opportunity it is to teach these little one to love God with all their hearts and to serve their fellow man throughout their lives. There is no higher calling than that!"
Wow. What a great reminder this was of that blessing I was talking about. I've been spending a good deal of time thinking about what my job is as a mom. God says in Proverbs 13:24 "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him" Rather than recognizing that it is my responsibility to discipline I just feel like I am being mean. I believe that the guilt I feel for making my children obey is an attack from the enemy. He wants me to believe that I am not a good mom or that I am doing things wrong so that I might just give up on the whole thing. But God promises that if I do as he has commanded he will bless that. "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6. Of course I am not doing everything right. If you know someone who is please give me their number I would love to talk to them. The good news is that I don't have to do it all right. Without God working in and through me I can't do any of it at all. I trust that God can use this broken, sinful woman to bring glory to Him, and that's what it is all about. Others may not think my children are perfect and that's okay because they're not. I am just going to keep praying and believing. I will pray for all of you others mom too. When you get tired of the saying the same things a hundred times a day or feel like you have spent your entire day disciplining and just want to say "forget it" remember you're not alone. There are a million of us out here and if we are honest we all have days that we want to give up. What's better than knowing you're not alone because other moms feel this way too is knowing that you are not alone because God is always there. Surrender to him. Tell him you can't do it and you need his help. He will help. "As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!" Psalm 40:17
Yesterday as we were driving down the road I said to Andy "Sometimes I wish I could just get the flu or something. I would rather spike a fever and be throwing up than have to get up every day and do my job. I am tired and I want a break. I want to be able to stay in bed and have someone take care of me even if it means being sick." In the quietness I am sure Andy was thinking "Okay, she's really losing it now" but he said nothing. Moments later I was thinking about how much I do love these frustrating little creatures. I, of course, shared this thought with hubby and apologized for the complaining. I do love them and would never want a job other than the one I have. I was reminding us that children are a blessing from the Lord. Psalm 127:3 says "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." Parenting is hard work and sometimes it is easy to forget what a blessing it is. Not to mention the extra blessing I have been granted in being able to stay at home with my boys. When we got home I decided to spend sometime focusing on the blessing that children are and spend some time studying the Bible for encouragement and wisdom. I also decided to read a book that a friend recently lent to me called Parenting Isn't For Cowards by Dr. James Dobson. At the end of the first chapter was the following paragraph:
"I don't believe that the task of procreation was intended to be so burdensome. Of course it is demanding. But modern parents have saddled themselves with unnecessary guilt, fear, and self-doubt. That is not the divine plan. Throughout the Scriptures, it is quite clear that the raising of children was viewed as a wonderful blessing from God-a welcome, joyful experience. And today, it remains one of the greatest privileges in living to bring a baby into the world... a vulnerable little human being who looks to us for all his needs. What a wonderful opportunity it is to teach these little one to love God with all their hearts and to serve their fellow man throughout their lives. There is no higher calling than that!"
Wow. What a great reminder this was of that blessing I was talking about. I've been spending a good deal of time thinking about what my job is as a mom. God says in Proverbs 13:24 "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him" Rather than recognizing that it is my responsibility to discipline I just feel like I am being mean. I believe that the guilt I feel for making my children obey is an attack from the enemy. He wants me to believe that I am not a good mom or that I am doing things wrong so that I might just give up on the whole thing. But God promises that if I do as he has commanded he will bless that. "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6. Of course I am not doing everything right. If you know someone who is please give me their number I would love to talk to them. The good news is that I don't have to do it all right. Without God working in and through me I can't do any of it at all. I trust that God can use this broken, sinful woman to bring glory to Him, and that's what it is all about. Others may not think my children are perfect and that's okay because they're not. I am just going to keep praying and believing. I will pray for all of you others mom too. When you get tired of the saying the same things a hundred times a day or feel like you have spent your entire day disciplining and just want to say "forget it" remember you're not alone. There are a million of us out here and if we are honest we all have days that we want to give up. What's better than knowing you're not alone because other moms feel this way too is knowing that you are not alone because God is always there. Surrender to him. Tell him you can't do it and you need his help. He will help. "As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!" Psalm 40:17
Friday, June 15, 2007
Miserable
Okay, I've been writing a post for two days about some things I have been thinking about this week, but I am sitting here trying to finish it and all I can think about is how angry I am.
Angry? About what? I don't know. I am just miserable about everything. I feel like I am under attack. I just keep begging God to change my attitude because I know I can't change it on my own. Every time I decide to be more pleasant or less irritable I just collapse again. I don't even feel like I can function. I feel terrible for my family. They can't possibly want to be around me. I don't even want to be around myself. Ugh!
Angry? About what? I don't know. I am just miserable about everything. I feel like I am under attack. I just keep begging God to change my attitude because I know I can't change it on my own. Every time I decide to be more pleasant or less irritable I just collapse again. I don't even feel like I can function. I feel terrible for my family. They can't possibly want to be around me. I don't even want to be around myself. Ugh!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Accountability
I am asking God to show me what he wants from me. That means digging into His word and spending time with Him. So often I neglect doing this for the sake of "fulfilling my God-given responsibilities" (that's the "Christianese" excuse so it sounds like I am doing something good thanks for the word Em). So if you are a regular reader of this blog and you find that I'm not posting, ask me why! I will share what I am learning about myself through God's word along with the other crazy life stuff that I love to post. However, if I'm not posting about the meaty stuff too I am probably being neglectful. Don't be shy to remind me. I know for sure some of you won't be :o) Thanks!!! Love, Janet
Antinomianism
Defined: one who holds that under the gospel dispensation of grace the moral law is of no use or obligation because faith alone is necessary to salvation.
Why does this word keep popping into my head? Well, because sometimes it is so hard to find a balance between this and the message of grace that we find in the gospel. On a "good" day (probably one where you don't have to interact with other people :o) it may be easy to think "I really feel like I did everything right. I did my devotion. I prayed for other people. I cleaned my house without complaining... God MUST be happy with me." On a "bad" day it is much easier to think "Well, I sinned all day long, but that's okay, God doesn't expect me to obey. That's what grace is for. I sure am glad I can sin and know it's covered."
Here's the thing... Our sins ARE covered and grace has indeed set us free from the law (the condemnation of the law, Romans 8:1). We don't have a list of do's and dont's that we need to be haunted by, BUT... this grace that has been offered to us through Jesus has set us free to obey the law and know that when we fail we are forgiven. It has not been offered to us so that we will have an excuse as to why we don't have to obey. God has given us His law to serve as a light to guide our actions, and we can delight in His law when we understand that we are not condemned by it. In verses 1-8 of Psalm 119 learning and keeping the law of the Lord is mentioned in every verse. This theme continues all through this and all of the Psalms.
I sin because I am a sinner. God has offered me forgiveness through His son, Jesus Christ. Because of this salvation I want to obey and do what is right before God and man, but I will fail. That's where grace comes in. When I fail I trust that He is there beside me ready to forgive me and change me if I will repent and ask him to work in me. Only He can grant me the strength and even the desire to change, but I can only do what is right if I know what is right, and that is found in God's law.
"Blessed are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the Lord!" Psalm 119:1
Why does this word keep popping into my head? Well, because sometimes it is so hard to find a balance between this and the message of grace that we find in the gospel. On a "good" day (probably one where you don't have to interact with other people :o) it may be easy to think "I really feel like I did everything right. I did my devotion. I prayed for other people. I cleaned my house without complaining... God MUST be happy with me." On a "bad" day it is much easier to think "Well, I sinned all day long, but that's okay, God doesn't expect me to obey. That's what grace is for. I sure am glad I can sin and know it's covered."
Here's the thing... Our sins ARE covered and grace has indeed set us free from the law (the condemnation of the law, Romans 8:1). We don't have a list of do's and dont's that we need to be haunted by, BUT... this grace that has been offered to us through Jesus has set us free to obey the law and know that when we fail we are forgiven. It has not been offered to us so that we will have an excuse as to why we don't have to obey. God has given us His law to serve as a light to guide our actions, and we can delight in His law when we understand that we are not condemned by it. In verses 1-8 of Psalm 119 learning and keeping the law of the Lord is mentioned in every verse. This theme continues all through this and all of the Psalms.
I sin because I am a sinner. God has offered me forgiveness through His son, Jesus Christ. Because of this salvation I want to obey and do what is right before God and man, but I will fail. That's where grace comes in. When I fail I trust that He is there beside me ready to forgive me and change me if I will repent and ask him to work in me. Only He can grant me the strength and even the desire to change, but I can only do what is right if I know what is right, and that is found in God's law.
"Blessed are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the Lord!" Psalm 119:1
Monday, June 11, 2007
New look
Today I decided it was time for a new look... Change is good (fyi, I usually only feel that way in the context of small meaningless details like how my blog looks :o)
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Forgiveness
I don't know why I don't post more. I have a lot of deep thoughtful moments. They are just usually fleeting and while I am thinking about it I say to myself "I should blog about this." Then by the time I sit down at my computer I have drawn a blank and I wonder what it was that I thought was so interesting earlier in the day. Well anyway, here's a little bit of how God's been dealing with me.
My husband and I were recently hurt by the words and actions of someone very dear to us and Andy made a quick, yet discerning decision to talk to this person about the situation. We were not even able to get words out about what we thought and how it affected us before this person apologized and admitted what they had done to hurt and offend us. It was such a sincere and heartfelt apology as well as a swallowing of pride in admitting the wrong that had been done. As I listened all that came to mind was Luke 12:48 "...Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required..." This verse is often used in the church as a reminder to share the wealth God has given, suggesting that if God has given you much (materially) you should give much to others. While I agree with this sentiment, I was struck on a very different level in this moment. How gracious God has been to forgive me of this wretched, sinful heart. What right would I have not to forgive? Psalm 103:11-12 "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." And He commands me to forgive as he forgave. How easy it was to put this incident of being sinned against into perspective when I remember all that has been forgiven me. I am so thankful that "God does not deal with me according to my sins" Psalm 103:10 I hope that I can remember this as I struggle through this broken and sinful world in order to forgive others as Christ forgave me.
Another thing that I have been mulling over is how absolutely sincere this broken, sinful person was in seeking forgiveness from two people who are as broken and sinful as he. How much more sincere and broken should my heart be when I enter into the presence of my Holy King to repent and seek forgiveness. The very thought of God's design for my salvation is awe inspiring. I think repentance to a Holy God who has already forgiven me should be exciting. How wonderful is it that what God wants from me is to repent and let go so he can change me, not to promise to change myself. I can't do anything to earn my salvation or change it (whew!) but what a joy it is to know that God will help me to see my sin and bring me face to face with Him so that I can repent and let Him change me.
My husband and I were recently hurt by the words and actions of someone very dear to us and Andy made a quick, yet discerning decision to talk to this person about the situation. We were not even able to get words out about what we thought and how it affected us before this person apologized and admitted what they had done to hurt and offend us. It was such a sincere and heartfelt apology as well as a swallowing of pride in admitting the wrong that had been done. As I listened all that came to mind was Luke 12:48 "...Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required..." This verse is often used in the church as a reminder to share the wealth God has given, suggesting that if God has given you much (materially) you should give much to others. While I agree with this sentiment, I was struck on a very different level in this moment. How gracious God has been to forgive me of this wretched, sinful heart. What right would I have not to forgive? Psalm 103:11-12 "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." And He commands me to forgive as he forgave. How easy it was to put this incident of being sinned against into perspective when I remember all that has been forgiven me. I am so thankful that "God does not deal with me according to my sins" Psalm 103:10 I hope that I can remember this as I struggle through this broken and sinful world in order to forgive others as Christ forgave me.
Another thing that I have been mulling over is how absolutely sincere this broken, sinful person was in seeking forgiveness from two people who are as broken and sinful as he. How much more sincere and broken should my heart be when I enter into the presence of my Holy King to repent and seek forgiveness. The very thought of God's design for my salvation is awe inspiring. I think repentance to a Holy God who has already forgiven me should be exciting. How wonderful is it that what God wants from me is to repent and let go so he can change me, not to promise to change myself. I can't do anything to earn my salvation or change it (whew!) but what a joy it is to know that God will help me to see my sin and bring me face to face with Him so that I can repent and let Him change me.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Cleaning Floors
As I was bent over on my hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor I said out loud "I HATE THIS!" Then God gave me a little nudge and reminded me to be thankful that I have a kitchen floor to scrub. It is so easy to complain rather than be thankful. What an easy life I live here in America. Just think, scrubbing my floor might be the most difficult thing I have to endure today.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
The Story of the Car
Andy was in an accident. He was fine, just a few bumps and bruises. We both spent the next week and a half feeling stressed out and anxious. Why? Well, the heart of it is that we just don't trust God the way we should and know we can. My head knew all the right answers and my mouth even spoke them, but for goodness sake I was ticked! We just spent $250 to have the car inspected and registered for 2 more years (when I say "just" I mean two days before the accident) We just entered the world of no car payments which we were thrilled about and we did not want to go out and get more debt after finally being free from it. STINK! So, we drove a couple of old, no REALLY old cars. I think one was an '87. That's right, your heard me, I was 7 years old when that car was new. Needless to say, these test drives brought a few laughs into our lives that we really needed at the time. Anyway, after sharing one car for a few days Andy came home from work one day and said "I decided what we are going to buy!" I of course responded with a coy "You did, huh?" As if he had some nerve deciding without having me approve this decision. He then smiled and said "We're getting a new mini-van." You should now be seeing a choir of angels singing in a heavenly voice "Ahhhhhhh..." Who would have thought that my dream car would be a mini-van!?! Yikes. We went shopping that night bought our van, picked it up 2 days later, and now if you seeing we around town I will be sporting a new Silver Hyundai Entourage. Wahoo!
The good news is that all of the satisfaction I thought I would find in having this mini-van that I've been dreaming of left me feeling empty. What a great reminder that the only place I can find true satisfaction, relief, and joy is in my Heavenly Father. I am so glad that he reminds me of this because it is so easy to get caught up in loving money and things.
Still, I do like my new ride. Here's a pic...
The good news is that all of the satisfaction I thought I would find in having this mini-van that I've been dreaming of left me feeling empty. What a great reminder that the only place I can find true satisfaction, relief, and joy is in my Heavenly Father. I am so glad that he reminds me of this because it is so easy to get caught up in loving money and things.
Still, I do like my new ride. Here's a pic...
Monday, April 23, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Thought for the day
"No one is of the Spirit of Christ but he that has the utmost compassion for sinners. Nor is there any great sign of your own perfection than you find yourself all love and compassion toward them that are very weak and defective. And on the other hand, you have never less reason to be pleased with yourself than when you find yourself most angry and offended at the behavior of others. All sin is certainly to be hated and abhorred where it is, but then we must set ourselves against sin as we do against sickness and diseases, by showing ourselves tender and compassionate to the sick and diseased."
Quote by William Law, taken from the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
Quote by William Law, taken from the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Addendum to "business meetings"
I was just re-reading what I wrote about Andy's business trips and I want to mention how incredibly hard Andy works for our family and how VERY much I appreciate it. All of the emotion expressed in that post reveals only what I imagine his job to be like and my selfish and envious heart. I know it's not really the way I described, but sometimes I let myself believe it is so that I can sit back and throw myself a pity party.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Wii Hangover
Have you ever played the Nintendo Wii? It is totally cool! Jen and Dave were here for the weekend and brought their new toy with them. This is the coolest video game system EVER! Well, this is coming from someone who almost never plays video games, but I think it was awesome. Anyway, as we were all playing I made the bold remark that I would feel fine the next day because I work out 3 times a week and so my muscles were ready for the workout they were up against. So, Sunday morning... OUCH! My entire upper body was killing me. This game system is no joke. My muscles are still not fully recovered, but they're almost there.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
my house
Someone recently got Andy and me thinking that maybe we should consider having a bigger house with more amenities. His argument was "you can afford better, why would you stay there?" Now, if you are reading this and you know me at all you probably know that this is something that I have struggled with for a long time, but for at least a year now I have really been finding myself feeling perfectly content and thankful for my house. Well maybe not "perfectly", things do still break and there are some things that I would like to be different, but I am satisfied knowing that these things will get done eventually. It is easier to be satisfied with the imperfections of this house because I expect to live here for a LONG time and so we have plenty of time to do the things we want.
Anyway, I have said all of this to get to this point. I am sitting here watching the Food Network while my boys are sleeping and I suddenly realized that I have my own place. This is my home. All of the problems that I worry over every day turned into something wonderful, because they are my problems and no one elses. I can fix them when I want or not fix them if I don't feel like it.
I am one of six kids and my parents home is smaller than mine, containing only one toilet. We lived there all our lives and we are all fine. We shared bedrooms and fought for the bathroom, but we all survived. The storage place was behind the walls of the attic bedrooms. In this old house we have two toilets (that right there is a HUGE deal)! We have a basement (1/2 finished and 1/2 storage). Plus we have an entire attic we can use for storage. The house feels smaller to us because we only have 2 bedrooms (used to be 3 but we wanted a bigger master for ourselves). So, here are our big dreams... We have an extra room on the side of our house that is our "shed" right now, but we are hoping to get a real shed this spring and then finish that room in the next few years. On top of that room we are considering having another bedroom built ($$$). Don't know if or when that will happen, but maybe in the next 5 years or so (these really are BIG dreams!) Lastly, I am hoping for my dream bathroom to be built over top of our kitchen (maybe after we retire we could afford that kind of project). We'll see...
Here's the thing, it doesn't really matter to me if these huge projects get done on any particular timeline or maybe at all. I am just so thankful that I have a warm and happy home. I have a home where I can live, laugh, cry, relax and enjoy my family and friends. I think people feel welcomed here (at least I hope they do). I just want my house to be a place where the people I love and care about feel safe and comfortable. All that other "fancy" stuff doesn't really matter at all.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Valentine's Day
Here's a picture from our romantic Valentine's Day dinner. Andy made Pork Chops in an Oregano Wine Sauce and we had a lovely dinner by candlelight.
Ok, here's what really happened...
We don't really celebrate Valentine's day, never really have. I think it is better to do nice things all year long than to save up the romance for this one day and then do it because everyone else is and that's what is expected. I was originally supposed to go out with my sis-in-law for dinner but because of the snow we had to reschedule. So, I decided what we were going to have for dinner and got everything ready, then after sledding for half the afternoon I was WAY too tired to cook anything. Andy was kind and willing to do the cooking instead. Both boys were in bed, Connor sleeping and Andy J watching a movie in our bed. Just as dinner was finishing the lights went out. We lost all power. The only thing we could think was "Oh Crap! If it doesn't come back on it time we are going to miss Lost!" So, we lit some candles and took some pictures so as to make it appear that we are some super romantic couple, but I can not tell a lie. Andy J. came downstairs because his movie went off and he sat with us as we ate. Then when the lights came back on we all went to the basement and played CandyLand together. I have to say, it was probably the most romantic Valentine's I have ever had, but not because of fancy food and candles. I was romanced by watching Andy with Andy J. as we played CandyLand. He is so good with our boys. So good at teaching them and showing patience, and I can see the pride and joy in his eyes as he watches them start to understand what we are trying to explain. I am so blessed!
Ok, here's what really happened...We don't really celebrate Valentine's day, never really have. I think it is better to do nice things all year long than to save up the romance for this one day and then do it because everyone else is and that's what is expected. I was originally supposed to go out with my sis-in-law for dinner but because of the snow we had to reschedule. So, I decided what we were going to have for dinner and got everything ready, then after sledding for half the afternoon I was WAY too tired to cook anything. Andy was kind and willing to do the cooking instead. Both boys were in bed, Connor sleeping and Andy J watching a movie in our bed. Just as dinner was finishing the lights went out. We lost all power. The only thing we could think was "Oh Crap! If it doesn't come back on it time we are going to miss Lost!" So, we lit some candles and took some pictures so as to make it appear that we are some super romantic couple, but I can not tell a lie. Andy J. came downstairs because his movie went off and he sat with us as we ate. Then when the lights came back on we all went to the basement and played CandyLand together. I have to say, it was probably the most romantic Valentine's I have ever had, but not because of fancy food and candles. I was romanced by watching Andy with Andy J. as we played CandyLand. He is so good with our boys. So good at teaching them and showing patience, and I can see the pride and joy in his eyes as he watches them start to understand what we are trying to explain. I am so blessed!
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Lucky me!
Today my best friend sent me an early birthday card. She will either be a new mom or having her baby on my birthday, so she obviously thought ahead and sent it early. (I wish I had that kind of devotion to sending cards to people I care about.)
Anyway, that card couldn't have come at a better time. If you read my earlier post you know that I have had a pretty terrible day. My friend expressed that she feels there would be a felt hole in her life if I wasn't there, and I don't think she could have put it any better. I don't know what I would do without her. She is the ONLY person who has been there through ALL of it. "Best friend" sound so teenager, but there is no other way to describe it. It is so awesome to know that she will always be there. I think women in general spend a lot of time looking for "real" friends because real friends are hard to find. I am, well on Monday, 27 and I have found a life long friend that I know I can always count on. How lucky am I?!?!
Anyway, that card couldn't have come at a better time. If you read my earlier post you know that I have had a pretty terrible day. My friend expressed that she feels there would be a felt hole in her life if I wasn't there, and I don't think she could have put it any better. I don't know what I would do without her. She is the ONLY person who has been there through ALL of it. "Best friend" sound so teenager, but there is no other way to describe it. It is so awesome to know that she will always be there. I think women in general spend a lot of time looking for "real" friends because real friends are hard to find. I am, well on Monday, 27 and I have found a life long friend that I know I can always count on. How lucky am I?!?!
business meetings aren't so bad
Today I am wasting my day being angry. There are a couple of things bothering me. First of all, my ex-sister-in-law is such a jerk and I am really angry with her because of how selfish she is and all that she has already put my brother-in-law through and all she continues to do just to make his life difficult. Also, Andy is away for business meetings and I am home doing what I always do. This would normally just be a time when I miss him and wish he were home with me, but today I am jealous and angry. He flew in to CO on Tuesday but didn't have any meetings that day so was able to go and do some touristy things as soon as he got there. He was then able to go out to dinner with other adults and just hang out afterwards. Last night he went out to dinner with the guys again and then stayed up hanging out at the bar til one in the morning (3 am, our time). He called to say goodnight when he got in for the night, which I requested so I wasn't angry that he called so late. I am just irritated that his "business meetings" are so freakin fun. All the while I am at home taking care of kids, and doing laundry. Why don't I get to go away for business meetings? Sure, a meeting from 9-5 might be pretty boring, but I would gladly sit through someone speaking at me for a day and a half if it meant I got 3 adult evenings to myself. Not only is he getting these 3 nights of break from the norm, but that means I am at home alone with no one coming home at 5:30 to help me out. I like to believe that I am extra irritated because I hardly sleep when he is away and so I am REALLY tired, but I am afraid it is just because I am tired in general and it makes me so stinking jealous that he gets this break. Well, this is me venting! I should make it clear that I'm not angry at Andy, just at the circumstances. I think someone should organize business meetings for stay-at-home moms. At least twice a year there should be a meeting where moms gather and learn something new that will help with their jobs. How about a 3-day seminar on tips for organizing your home? or a time management seminar that will help us to balance all of the things we have to do everyday? Ok, I'm finished for now. It's time to go to the grocery store.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
lonely
Andy flew to CO this morning and even though he hasn't even been gone a whole day I miss him. I miss him because I know I won't see him again until Friday. It's a strange feeling that I can't explain. Maybe the best thing to say is that I feel like a part of me is missing. From 8 am to about 4:30 pm I am fine because I spend all of those hours just me and the boys every day, but at 4:30 when I usually start thinking about him coming home from work I start feeling incredibly lonely, or exhausted. I don't know how military wives or single moms do it. I am so tired by 5:30 when Andy is walking in the door each evening that I don't think I could survive if I had to do it alone all day every day. As a friend of mine would say, some people are just wired different.
One word for you... VASECTOMY!
Tonight I am watching 7 of my sister's 8 kids. It's me and 9 kids. Need I say more?
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
refreshing
I spent time with a friend today, someone with whom I don't always get to spend a lot of time. It was so refreshing. I had the opportunity to share so many of the things about myself that I wish were different and the ways God is working on me. I shared some of my insecurities and how I sometimes avoid spending time with certain people just because I think they are so much "better" than me. This, of course, does not stem from anything these people do to make me feel this way but from my own personal issues. It was a day of great encouragment for me. I learned that those on whom I project my own image of perfection are actually stuggling with so many of the same things that I am. I have also been thinking that if there are people that, in my mind, are (for lack of a better word) "better" than me it might just be that there is wisdom for me to gain from them.
Women spend soooooo.... much time comparing themselves to others, and oddly enough we are spending much of that time and energy comparing ourselves to the same people who are comparing themselves to us. YIKES!!! What a waste! I wonder if knowing that will ever change the way I feel or think about things like this. I hope so. I need to remember what my friend said today. I can not change any of this from my own efforts, but my relationship with God can and that starts with prayer. I am so thankful for that direct line to God. How good it is to know I can talk to him any time about anything!
Women spend soooooo.... much time comparing themselves to others, and oddly enough we are spending much of that time and energy comparing ourselves to the same people who are comparing themselves to us. YIKES!!! What a waste! I wonder if knowing that will ever change the way I feel or think about things like this. I hope so. I need to remember what my friend said today. I can not change any of this from my own efforts, but my relationship with God can and that starts with prayer. I am so thankful for that direct line to God. How good it is to know I can talk to him any time about anything!
the pressure is on
I've been getting requests for another post and trust me my failure to write isn't for lack of trying. I have been so busy lately that it seems I should have a ton of things to write about, but when I sit down to share my life with you nothing important comes to mind. The reason I have been so busy lately is that I am really trying to put feet to my words. The title of my blog, as I have said in a previous post, has to do with making time for people instead of being busy worrying about all the "one more things" that don't really matter. I have been making a real effort to spend time with friends and sometimes even family (I mean extended, of course my 3 boys come first when it comes to people). I tend to get so busy thinking about my home and the things that need to be done that I push others away in an attempt to make time for everything I want to do. I am learning that there can be happy medium. I do have responsibilities at home that I need to take care of, but I don't have to shut out everything else to have time for all of that. I can even do extra stuff and still make time for the really important stuff like being a mom and a friend. For instance, we painted our living room last week and while making plans to paint I realized that I had made plans to spend time with a different person every day that week. I was a little irritated with myself for making all of these plans because I really wanted the living room done. I came to grips with the fact that it would just take me a little longer to do than I had hoped, but it would get done. I was able to invite my friends into my home without worrying about the fact that the place was a complete disaster. Turns out that once I relaxed about the lack of time to paint some of my time freed up and I was able to spend one WHOLE day painting. I got the entire room painted in one day except for the baseboards and window trim, which Andy and my Dad both helped with and got the whole job done in just a few scattered days. I've been able to spend more time with my boys too. We play puppets, cars, wrestle, catch, and we watch WAY less tv. Ahhhh.... I HATE tv and how much time it sucks out of our lives. Since we have been spending more time playing together Andy J's attitude has changed dramatically. He plays by himslef when I am busy doing things around the house and he does whatever I ask him to without complaining or arguing. Of course he is still a three-year-old, and we have our moments, but overall I can really see a change in the way spending time with your kids can affect them.
Well, I guess that's all I have to say for now. Here are some pics of our "new" living room. There are a few pics that still need to go on the walls and I still need to iron the curtains before I put them up, but that's it except for furniture. I am so anxious to get furniture! (we're waiting til tax time)
Well, I guess that's all I have to say for now. Here are some pics of our "new" living room. There are a few pics that still need to go on the walls and I still need to iron the curtains before I put them up, but that's it except for furniture. I am so anxious to get furniture! (we're waiting til tax time)
Monday, January 15, 2007
Where's the video camera when you need it?
I wish we had a video camera in our basement last night. Andy and I were hanging out watching Napolean Dynamite (I'm not sure why, the quotes are funny but the movie is stupid). I got up to go to the bathroom and on my way back into the room I was talking to Andy, who I thought was laying on the floor. To my surprise, he was not on the floor but hiding behind the door at which point he jump out and screamed at the top of his lungs. His "scare scream" can not possibly compare to the scream that followed. I have never been so startled in my life, and I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.
God is working on me, boy that's a BIG job!
I'm glad that God is pushing me out of my comfort zone. Over the past couple of months I have found myself in situations that require me to put my insecurities aside and step up to the plate where I am completely uncomfortable. Oddly enough I come out of each of these circumstances feeling more conifident than I could have imagined. I am not confident in my own abilities, but confident in what God can do with my stubborn, insecure heart; and I am thankful that He is working on me.
Monday, January 8, 2007
mouse in the house
We have a mouse. We have lived in this house just over four years and in all that time we have
only had one mouse. Now, in the past month we have had two. Maybe there's more than one right now, who knows... Anyway, that little s.o.b. is asking for it! He ate half of my Tastefully simple stuff and my Symphony bar. You would find it rare to hear a curse exit my lips; I find it to be generally unnecessary, but this mouse has made me so angry that I just keep cussing the little jerk out. It's lucky that I'm not PMSing or I would probably be in tears. My house is clean, not just neat, CLEAN! Why does he feel welcomed here? I guess we shouldn't keep so much wine in the house, huh?
only had one mouse. Now, in the past month we have had two. Maybe there's more than one right now, who knows... Anyway, that little s.o.b. is asking for it! He ate half of my Tastefully simple stuff and my Symphony bar. You would find it rare to hear a curse exit my lips; I find it to be generally unnecessary, but this mouse has made me so angry that I just keep cussing the little jerk out. It's lucky that I'm not PMSing or I would probably be in tears. My house is clean, not just neat, CLEAN! Why does he feel welcomed here? I guess we shouldn't keep so much wine in the house, huh?
Sunday, January 7, 2007
speaking of love and marriage
Married friends... check out Emily's blog "Repentance and Faith" (specifically the Holy or Happy? post http://repentancefaith.blogspot.com/2006/11/holy-or-happy.html) You should read them all, she's got a lot of great stuff to say. I was just especially struck by this post and thought it great encouragement for all of you who are married or going to be anytime soon.
super-double-chocolate-brownie with homemade vanilla ice cream, carmel sauce, hot fudge, don't forget the whipped cream on top
I had to laugh today as I looked over at two of my good friends sitting next to me holding hands. They have only been dating for 5 months and recently got engaged to be married. They came over for dinner this past week and I noted to Andy that they seemed like they were attached at the hip. This is not what is so funny... The humor hit me when I thought of our 5 year marriage and other friends who have been married for a little while (specifically Jen & Dave). J & D were here a week ago and as we all sat and watched tv together one evening the seating arrangements were so different than those of these new lovebirds. Jen and Andy each sat in their own Lazy Boy recliners Dave and I sat on the couch together and no one was looking at their significant other with eyes full of longing wishing they could be a little closer. Don't get me wrong, we love each other and we love to be close (our two children and Jen's expanding midsection are all evidence of that) but there's no constant physical affection being shown. It all seems so ridiculous when I think about how relationships begin and how they end up in the real world. It's so much easier now that we don't have to try so hard. We were talking with these new lovebirds about all the things that are different once you're married. It probably sounded horrible to people so "in love" but the truth is I am more in love now than I was back when it was all cuddle and hugs. (Well, it it was never ALL cuddles and hugs). I think this couple is sweet in the "super-double-chocolate-brownie with homemade vanilla ice cream, carmel sauce, hot fudge, don't forget the whipped cream on top sort of way". It's good, but you can't have it all the time, right? You can only have so much before you start throwing up. They don't know that the best is yet to come... I am really excited for them as they start this new adventure.
Thursday, January 4, 2007
It's been a while
It's been a month and a half since I last posted. I want to do it more regularly but that just doesn't happen. I was telling Andy (Sr.) the other day that sometimes I go through my days thinking about different things that I should blog about, but by the time I sit down at night I am either too tired to write anything intelligent or I just forget (a part of being too tired, I guess). Anyway, over the past several weeks I have had much to say but little time to say it.
We had a great Christmas. I got a new laptop. It's an awesome gift and you can understand how much I really appreciate it if you know about my old one. Here's the newbie...
The boys got lots of cool stuff too. Here's some pictures of them opening their gifts...
We had to clean out the old toys the Sunday before so we could make room for the new ones coming. We finished our dining room just before Christmas and we had the Clark family over for Christmas dinner. Andy made two ducks with orange sauce, and I made all the sides. We're a pretty good team. Here's a couple more pics, it's our dining room...
I love eating in our "REAL" dining room. (Thanks for the light, Em.) We are going to start work on the living room in a couple of weeks. I went to the furniture store today and picked out the stuff I like, so now we just have to get the room ready for the furniture.
I am in cleaning and organizing mode these days. I don't know how long it will last, but I am glad about it for as long as it does. My house hasn't seen so much energy from me in a while. I am going through bags and closets, I am washing laundry before there is a whole load worth, yesterday I waxed the kitchen floor. I had no idea that my floor could ever look that good again. It's like an 36 week pregnant woman in nesting mode, CRAZY... But the house looks great. Every day I have a list of things to get done and everyday they are getting done. If you know me, you know this is not the norm. Today I did finally let one thing go, but I will be up first thing in the morning doing it.
Well, I'll post again soon...I hope.
We had a great Christmas. I got a new laptop. It's an awesome gift and you can understand how much I really appreciate it if you know about my old one. Here's the newbie...
The boys got lots of cool stuff too. Here's some pictures of them opening their gifts...
We had to clean out the old toys the Sunday before so we could make room for the new ones coming. We finished our dining room just before Christmas and we had the Clark family over for Christmas dinner. Andy made two ducks with orange sauce, and I made all the sides. We're a pretty good team. Here's a couple more pics, it's our dining room...
I love eating in our "REAL" dining room. (Thanks for the light, Em.) We are going to start work on the living room in a couple of weeks. I went to the furniture store today and picked out the stuff I like, so now we just have to get the room ready for the furniture.I am in cleaning and organizing mode these days. I don't know how long it will last, but I am glad about it for as long as it does. My house hasn't seen so much energy from me in a while. I am going through bags and closets, I am washing laundry before there is a whole load worth, yesterday I waxed the kitchen floor. I had no idea that my floor could ever look that good again. It's like an 36 week pregnant woman in nesting mode, CRAZY... But the house looks great. Every day I have a list of things to get done and everyday they are getting done. If you know me, you know this is not the norm. Today I did finally let one thing go, but I will be up first thing in the morning doing it.
Well, I'll post again soon...I hope.
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