lonely

Andy flew to CO this morning and even though he hasn't even been gone a whole day I miss him. I miss him because I know I won't see him again until Friday. It's a strange feeling that I can't explain. Maybe the best thing to say is that I feel like a part of me is missing. From 8 am to about 4:30 pm I am fine because I spend all of those hours just me and the boys every day, but at 4:30 when I usually start thinking about him coming home from work I start feeling incredibly lonely, or exhausted. I don't know how military wives or single moms do it. I am so tired by 5:30 when Andy is walking in the door each evening that I don't think I could survive if I had to do it alone all day every day. As a friend of mine would say, some people are just wired different.

One word for you... VASECTOMY!

Tonight I am watching 7 of my sister's 8 kids. It's me and 9 kids. Need I say more?

refreshing

I spent time with a friend today, someone with whom I don't always get to spend a lot of time. It was so refreshing. I had the opportunity to share so many of the things about myself that I wish were different and the ways God is working on me. I shared some of my insecurities and how I sometimes avoid spending time with certain people just because I think they are so much "better" than me. This, of course, does not stem from anything these people do to make me feel this way but from my own personal issues. It was a day of great encouragment for me. I learned that those on whom I project my own image of perfection are actually stuggling with so many of the same things that I am. I have also been thinking that if there are people that, in my mind, are (for lack of a better word) "better" than me it might just be that there is wisdom for me to gain from them.

Women spend soooooo.... much time comparing themselves to others, and oddly enough we are spending much of that time and energy comparing ourselves to the same people who are comparing themselves to us. YIKES!!! What a waste! I wonder if knowing that will ever change the way I feel or think about things like this. I hope so. I need to remember what my friend said today. I can not change any of this from my own efforts, but my relationship with God can and that starts with prayer. I am so thankful for that direct line to God. How good it is to know I can talk to him any time about anything!

the pressure is on

I've been getting requests for another post and trust me my failure to write isn't for lack of trying. I have been so busy lately that it seems I should have a ton of things to write about, but when I sit down to share my life with you nothing important comes to mind. The reason I have been so busy lately is that I am really trying to put feet to my words. The title of my blog, as I have said in a previous post, has to do with making time for people instead of being busy worrying about all the "one more things" that don't really matter. I have been making a real effort to spend time with friends and sometimes even family (I mean extended, of course my 3 boys come first when it comes to people). I tend to get so busy thinking about my home and the things that need to be done that I push others away in an attempt to make time for everything I want to do. I am learning that there can be happy medium. I do have responsibilities at home that I need to take care of, but I don't have to shut out everything else to have time for all of that. I can even do extra stuff and still make time for the really important stuff like being a mom and a friend. For instance, we painted our living room last week and while making plans to paint I realized that I had made plans to spend time with a different person every day that week. I was a little irritated with myself for making all of these plans because I really wanted the living room done. I came to grips with the fact that it would just take me a little longer to do than I had hoped, but it would get done. I was able to invite my friends into my home without worrying about the fact that the place was a complete disaster. Turns out that once I relaxed about the lack of time to paint some of my time freed up and I was able to spend one WHOLE day painting. I got the entire room painted in one day except for the baseboards and window trim, which Andy and my Dad both helped with and got the whole job done in just a few scattered days. I've been able to spend more time with my boys too. We play puppets, cars, wrestle, catch, and we watch WAY less tv. Ahhhh.... I HATE tv and how much time it sucks out of our lives. Since we have been spending more time playing together Andy J's attitude has changed dramatically. He plays by himslef when I am busy doing things around the house and he does whatever I ask him to without complaining or arguing. Of course he is still a three-year-old, and we have our moments, but overall I can really see a change in the way spending time with your kids can affect them.

Well, I guess that's all I have to say for now. Here are some pics of our "new" living room. There are a few pics that still need to go on the walls and I still need to iron the curtains before I put them up, but that's it except for furniture. I am so anxious to get furniture! (we're waiting til tax time)

Where's the video camera when you need it?

I wish we had a video camera in our basement last night. Andy and I were hanging out watching Napolean Dynamite (I'm not sure why, the quotes are funny but the movie is stupid). I got up to go to the bathroom and on my way back into the room I was talking to Andy, who I thought was laying on the floor. To my surprise, he was not on the floor but hiding behind the door at which point he jump out and screamed at the top of his lungs. His "scare scream" can not possibly compare to the scream that followed. I have never been so startled in my life, and I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.

God is working on me, boy that's a BIG job!

I'm glad that God is pushing me out of my comfort zone. Over the past couple of months I have found myself in situations that require me to put my insecurities aside and step up to the plate where I am completely uncomfortable. Oddly enough I come out of each of these circumstances feeling more conifident than I could have imagined. I am not confident in my own abilities, but confident in what God can do with my stubborn, insecure heart; and I am thankful that He is working on me.

mouse in the house

We have a mouse. We have lived in this house just over four years and in all that time we have only had one mouse. Now, in the past month we have had two. Maybe there's more than one right now, who knows... Anyway, that little s.o.b. is asking for it! He ate half of my Tastefully simple stuff and my Symphony bar. You would find it rare to hear a curse exit my lips; I find it to be generally unnecessary, but this mouse has made me so angry that I just keep cussing the little jerk out. It's lucky that I'm not PMSing or I would probably be in tears. My house is clean, not just neat, CLEAN! Why does he feel welcomed here? I guess we shouldn't keep so much wine in the house, huh?

speaking of love and marriage

Married friends... check out Emily's blog "Repentance and Faith" (specifically the Holy or Happy? post http://repentancefaith.blogspot.com/2006/11/holy-or-happy.html) You should read them all, she's got a lot of great stuff to say. I was just especially struck by this post and thought it great encouragement for all of you who are married or going to be anytime soon.

super-double-chocolate-brownie with homemade vanilla ice cream, carmel sauce, hot fudge, don't forget the whipped cream on top

I had to laugh today as I looked over at two of my good friends sitting next to me holding hands. They have only been dating for 5 months and recently got engaged to be married. They came over for dinner this past week and I noted to Andy that they seemed like they were attached at the hip. This is not what is so funny... The humor hit me when I thought of our 5 year marriage and other friends who have been married for a little while (specifically Jen & Dave). J & D were here a week ago and as we all sat and watched tv together one evening the seating arrangements were so different than those of these new lovebirds. Jen and Andy each sat in their own Lazy Boy recliners Dave and I sat on the couch together and no one was looking at their significant other with eyes full of longing wishing they could be a little closer. Don't get me wrong, we love each other and we love to be close (our two children and Jen's expanding midsection are all evidence of that) but there's no constant physical affection being shown. It all seems so ridiculous when I think about how relationships begin and how they end up in the real world. It's so much easier now that we don't have to try so hard. We were talking with these new lovebirds about all the things that are different once you're married. It probably sounded horrible to people so "in love" but the truth is I am more in love now than I was back when it was all cuddle and hugs. (Well, it it was never ALL cuddles and hugs). I think this couple is sweet in the "super-double-chocolate-brownie with homemade vanilla ice cream, carmel sauce, hot fudge, don't forget the whipped cream on top sort of way". It's good, but you can't have it all the time, right? You can only have so much before you start throwing up. They don't know that the best is yet to come... I am really excited for them as they start this new adventure.

It's been a while

It's been a month and a half since I last posted. I want to do it more regularly but that just doesn't happen. I was telling Andy (Sr.) the other day that sometimes I go through my days thinking about different things that I should blog about, but by the time I sit down at night I am either too tired to write anything intelligent or I just forget (a part of being too tired, I guess). Anyway, over the past several weeks I have had much to say but little time to say it.

We had a great Christmas. I got a new laptop. It's an awesome gift and you can understand how much I really appreciate it if you know about my old one. Here's the newbie...
The boys got lots of cool stuff too. Here's some pictures of them opening their gifts...


We had to clean out the old toys the Sunday before so we could make room for the new ones coming. We finished our dining room just before Christmas and we had the Clark family over for Christmas dinner. Andy made two ducks with orange sauce, and I made all the sides. We're a pretty good team. Here's a couple more pics, it's our dining room...I love eating in our "REAL" dining room. (Thanks for the light, Em.) We are going to start work on the living room in a couple of weeks. I went to the furniture store today and picked out the stuff I like, so now we just have to get the room ready for the furniture.

I am in cleaning and organizing mode these days. I don't know how long it will last, but I am glad about it for as long as it does. My house hasn't seen so much energy from me in a while. I am going through bags and closets, I am washing laundry before there is a whole load worth, yesterday I waxed the kitchen floor. I had no idea that my floor could ever look that good again. It's like an 36 week pregnant woman in nesting mode, CRAZY... But the house looks great. Every day I have a list of things to get done and everyday they are getting done. If you know me, you know this is not the norm. Today I did finally let one thing go, but I will be up first thing in the morning doing it.

Well, I'll post again soon...I hope.