our weekend away

I don't have much to say, but I figure I can post some pictures. We went to San Antonio, Texas for the weekend. Joshua, our oldest nephew, graduated from Basic Military Training in the USAF. He also got married while we were there. Big day for him, huh? Here are some pics of him and his new wife, Cassandra.

Here's hubby and me in front of the Alamo.

This is the Tower of the Americas. There is an observation deck and revolving restaurant at the top (we ate there and it was awesome). During the meal the restaurant made one full rotation, so we saw the city from every angle. It was really cool.

A view from the restaurant. We pick the perfect time for our reservation. Ahhhh... Sunset.

Finally a picture of my handsome hubby at our fancy dinner. I just couldn't resist posting this one. I think he's so cute.

Well, it was a GREAT weekend, but I am glad to back home again with my boys. We did miss them.

Obey God and Bless Others

I don't have much to say about this , but this is a lesson I need to learn EVERY day. Check it out at "Girl Talk" This particular post was published on March 18, but I just haven't had a chance to read it until now. I think God worked it that way because he knew I needed to hear it today (well, I need it everyday, but today is special).

I had to edit this post, because as soon as I published it I read the next post on the "Girl Talk" blog and wanted to direct you to it as well. It has to do with the previous.

Good stuff.

Adoption

I cried as I watched this video clip and consider my adoption into God's family by his Grace. As well as being reminded of why we press on to bring our baby home from Ethiopia. There have been days recently when I have thought "Are we really doing the right thing for our family? Have we made the right decision?" The answer is yes. It's not about what is easy or comfortable but what will bring glory to my Father in heaven.

What is Love?

I have no doubt that at least a few of you are following up my post heading by bobbing your heads and singing "baby don't hurt me, no more." I say this from experience (you know who you are, right girls?)

Anyway, here's what I'm learning about love as I have been reading the book "Love Walked Among Us" by Paul Miller. Be prepared as I will probably ramble a little, but it's better than nothing... I guess.

The most important thing for me to remember is that Jesus is the ultimate example of genuine and sincere love. He is the only person who has ever lived and loved perfectly. So, what are some of the characteristics of Jesus that demonstrate to us what real love looks like? Jesus shows compassion to the people he interacts with. This means that he takes time to look at them and tries to feel what it is like to be in their place. Jesus only seeks to bring God glory. He is not thinking of himself or how it will benefit him.

Love is often neither convenient nor efficient. Loving others may mean letting go of my plans in order follow God's plan for my life to love and serve others. One thing Miller says about this is...

"When we love we cease to be the master and become a servant. Loving means losing control of our schedule, our money, and our time. Instinctively, we fear a commitment to love because it means the end of so much. We wonder, if I love like this, who will be there to love me?"

As I read and learn more about what real love looks like I realize how little I have understood about love in the past and what little love I show to others. I think only of myself and how others fit into my tidy little life. Do I have time to serve a person in need at the very moment they need me? Well.... I can help them, but it might have to wait 'til Tuesday because today I have plans to run "important" errands. Do they have any time open from 2-4 that day? And then, what if they don't want my help? Well look out because some stuff is about to hit the fan.

Is my life, my heart, my home, my wallet open enough to let people in? Nope. Am I so consumed with protecting myself and loving myself that I leave no room for others? Yup, that one is me.

Often I pass up opportunities to love others because of my opinions of how they ended up in the given predicament. If they had made better decisions then they would not require myself and others to expend our energies on them. Miller also talks about something called "Beam Research - being honest without being judgmental" It is a lot easier to love people, if we first do as Jesus commands in the Sermon on the Mount. He says "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the beam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a beam in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5). About "Beam Research" Miller says "it says to first reflect on how we do similar things, and then use that information to be honest with our friend. When we own up to our problems first, our holier-than-thou attitude disappears, leaving only a compassionate honesty." All of this makes me think that if there is a situation in which I am bound to my friend to confront an issue in their life the only way I can do it in love is if I first confront myself and how I am prone to or engrossed in very similar or in some cases the very same thing. Also, there may be no need for confrontation, only love. Maybe the person sees this themselves and though repentant still suffers the consequences and needs love from their sister in Christ. My self-righteousness leads me to believe that I would never do something to cause myself so much trouble, yet I know the truth is that my heart is just as sinful as the next person. I just don't always treat people like that is the truth.

Now, here's a real doozie... Loving an Enemy

"Jesus even loved the people who killed him... He says, 'Father, forgive them, for they know do not know what they are doing' (Luke 23:34)".... Is Jesus a masochist? That kind of love sounds crazy. Won't we open ourselves up for more hurt? No. Think about it. There are two problems with enemies. What they did hurts, and as we obsess about what they did, bitterness sets in like a claw in the brain. We become so focused on the hurt that we don't notice the bitterness slowly eating away at us--like cancer of the soul. Bitterness quietly transforms us so we become just like our enemy."

I am really trying to wrap my head or heart, I should say, around this one. I know it's true, but it's such a stretch for my sinful human heart that I have to keep coming back to God and asking for his Holy Spirit to do this work of loving my enemies through me. And that is right where it's at! I can't love anyone, not even my husband and children, without help from the Holy Spirit. I have to continually ask to be filled with God's love so that it overflows to everyone in my life. I have to ask the Holy Spirit to move in me and take away my selfish motives and self righteous attitudes so that I can be free to love others. I see how often I fail and it can make me crazy sometimes, but a friend says it well "the mere fact that I don’t like feeling this way is evidence that the Holy Spirit is working on me already…and that gives me the encouragement and hope that I need to pray" (her blog).

So, have I arrived? Nope. Will I arrive this side of heaven? Nope. Praise the Lord for Jesus' love for me and his Holy Spirit at work in my life. I pray that while he has me here he will sanctify me through my relationships and teach me to love more like Jesus does. I might have more to say about all this love stuff at some point and maybe next time it will be composed a little better, but for now I thought I would share what I am chewing on.

I hope I never forget

Yesterday was a great day. Simple... but wonderful. Our day officially began with breakfast, some straightening, and a little bit of indoor play. I watched Connor play with Thomas trains and I saw the same excitement in his eyes as when we first bought the trains for Andy when he was Connor's age. It was so cool to see him LOVING the same things his brother used to love, and to see Andy trying to show Connor all the things he could do with them.

Then off we went on a bike ride (I'll put some pics on our family picture blog if you're interested). Well, I walked (Connor is still learning to pedal). After a little over a mile of riding/walking/pulling Connor's bike along we returned home for some hot chocolate. Then it was Connor's nap time and Andy J. and I took off to run some errands (I guess I should mention that Andy Sr. was working from home because he's been sick, I didn't just leave Connor here by himself :o)

There is a little farm market close to where we live now and I had never been there before but had heard good things, so we headed there first. It's a fun little place, mostly run by Mennonite families. We stopped first at a bulk food market. I picked up some spices while Andy J. ogled the rows of candy on the end cap. I told him that I would let him pick something to get but I wanted to look around first. As we walked he found a bag of peanuts and started telling me how much he LOVES peanuts and how Pop Pop always has peanuts for him. I asked if that is what he would like to pick as his treat and he got so excited. After we paid he insisted on carrying them himself.

We headed to the produce stand next and tasted some of the fresh fruit they had cut up for the customers. We talked about the different kinds of fruit and which ones we like best. After this we found the soft pretzel/ice cream counter. We each picked our own pretzel and resolved to walk around the rest of the market while we ate them, but to make a complete circle so that we would end up back at this same counter to order some ice cream.

We walked and talked and looked at all the toys and yummy goodies along the way. We saw some fresh rabbit at the meat counter and decided that we would get some next time we came and try it for dinner (he'll try just about anything, as long as it's not green). We talked about all the different kinds of fish at the fish counter. I told him we would bring Daddy back some time and let him pick what he wanted to get there, which led to the question "Why? Is it because Daddy is better than you at cooking fish?" I smiled and told him that that was certainly one of the reasons.

Now it was time for ice cream. We each got a cone with one scoop (the biggest one scoop ever) of ice cream. We sat at a nearby table to talk and eat. We compared tongue colors as we ate more of our treat. His was blue and pink so he was sure it was going to change the color of his tongue. We talked about what I was going to make for dinner and he said he would eat it, but not the salad part. When I told him it would be just cucumbers in this salad he agreed that he does love cucumbers so he would try it. We decided it would be fun to come back here as a family some time and maybe have lunch and of course more ice cream. After sitting for a while it was time to leave. We ran a couple more errands at stores where he could have been tempted to beg for things and cry when he didn't get them, but instead he just looked and played and then put them away when I said it was time to go.

On our ride home as our "date" was coming to an end I turned and looked in the back seat and said "This was really fun. I had a great time!" With a beaming smile he replied "Me too. I love you, Mom."

I wish I could tuck every moment and word we said to each other into my memory, but those things will no doubt fade over time. I hope that I will always remember how happy it made him just to have this time one on one with his mom. I hope that I can always think of this day and see the smile that was on his face from the time I said "This is a Mommy and Andy date" until the time he went to bed. I started to feel a little guilty that Connor and I have never done anything like this and probably won't any time too soon, but we will some day when he is old enough to appreciate it too. I look forward to doing this many more times with all of my kids. This was really a lesson for me as to how important it is to spend time with each child alone and, to show them how very special they are to you as an individual and not just part of the group we call family. I could see what that meant to Andy J. in his face the whole day. When we said good night I gave him a kiss and told him once again how much fun I had with him. As he reached up to give me a huge hug, he smiled and said "It was really fun for me too."

I am a Daughter!!!

I have really been struggling over the past couple of months to see myself as a daughter. You may be thinking "What the heck are you talking about? Of course you're a daughter with two loving parents!" Well, yes that is true I have two wonderful earthly parents who love me very much and show it in so many ways, but I have something that is even better than that... a Heavenly Father who loves me beyond measure.

I have head knowledge that tells me I am a child of God, but without my heart being able to understand and believe that, I live as an orphan. This had led me to a feeling of despair. I could see my sin and my yucky sinful heart and knew that I could not change it. I was forgetting that when God looks at me he sees Jesus' righteousness. There's a fancy phrase for it "imputed righteousness". The truth of the gospel is that because of God's plan to send Jesus to live a perfectly righteous life, die on the cross, and be resurrected I am forgiven. Just as Jesus is God's son, I am his daughter and he loves me that much. A friend of mine always says "You are worth one Jesus."

I have been praying, it came slowly and sometimes awkwardly when I was in this low place, but I knew that it was the only place I could go to seek rest. I had to admit to God that I couldn't do anything that I was trying to do. I can't stop worshiping my husband, children, and home above God unless he does that work in me through his Holy Spirit. I had to ask for help. I asked and he answered. He has given me an opportunity to be separated from these idols for a short time in order to serve others and bring glory to him. He will help me to rely on him and I can only do it with the strength he provides.

Then today, I talked with God. I kept coming back to him over and over talking to him about our house (the one that's been on the market since September). It went something like this...

"God, I don't know why you haven't sold our house yet, but I'm sure there is a reason. I would really like it if we could sell that house... If you don't want us to, that's okay too.... Well, God, I know that this is bold and I don't know if it is selfish, but I believe that you answer prayers so please sell our house before the end of the day tomorrow. If you choose not to do this please give me peace and give us direction as to what we should do with the house." (paraphrase)

Around eight o'clock tonight we got a call saying that an offer had been made on our house. We will go to sign papers and accept the offer in the morning. God heard my prayers and answered. I think it may be necessary to say that even if he had not sold our house I am confident that he would have answered this prayer by directing us in our decision making and helping us to trust him in all of it. God answered this bold prayer very clearly and in a way that was admittedly what I was hoping for but it is important to know that just because we think something would be best a certain way we can trust that God truly knows what is best for us and works all things together for the good of his children.

Here is the best news I received all day... not the house selling, but God hears MY prayers. He has been listening to me, little ol' me. I laid in bed tonight with tears streaming down my face thanking God for his faithfulness. Not that he was faithful to sell our house (which I am thankful for) but that he was faithful to remind me that I am his and he cares so deeply for me that he is listening when I am speaking to him. I feel like He has come down and wrapped his arms around me and said to me "I know you are having trouble believing, but you have asked for help to believe and I love you so much and care so much about you that I want to help you. Be still and know that I AM God."