I could say so much...

...but I won't.

The past five days have been something to write about, and yet I feel entirely incapable of doing that. I will say just a few things... God sent a man and his wife to our church to minister to us and to challenge us. Andy had the privilege of spending a week in India with this family in September and I am so thankful for the opportunity I have had to get to know them over the last few days and be encouraged by them. It has very little to do with the fact that they are such captivating speakers and so very much to do with the fact that the true desire of their hearts is to see God glorified. God has been preparing us to be a part of spreading the gospel globally and has graciously been preparing us for some of the ways this calling will affect our lives. I think I could comment on the entire book of 1 Peter right now, but I don't have the energy. My heart is heavy. Satan is attacking and he wants us to be distracted, but I know that we are not alone. Jesus is with us and promises not to leave us or forsake us. We were reminded this week in Luke 9:62 that Jesus said "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." God will grant us the strength to press on and not look back.

I will keep my commentary on 1 Peter limited to this, though there is so much I could say. 1 Peter 1:24-25 says “All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.' And this word is the good news that was preached to you." So concise! Nothing else matters but the word of the Lord. All that I cling to in this world will be gone, but his word will endure. Sharing the gospel is more important than my comfort, my reputation, or any other idol that I set up for myself.

Adoption, etc.

If you have talked to me at all in the past two or three weeks you probably know that we have finally begun the adoption process in an official way. After reading, waiting, and certainly some degree of impatience because of an the inability to make a decision, we have decided to pursue adoption from Ethiopia. We are hoping to adopt a child in the age range of infant to 18 months and we don't know if it will be a boy or girl. We are currently in the process of completing some initial paperwork and gathering some necessary documents. We have our first official Home Study appointment the first week of November (where we will go ever all the documents and information needed for our dossier) and hope to have our entire home study completed by mid-December. That is of course all but our fingerprinting. We can not go to be fingerprinted until me move and then we have to wait for the state of Delaware to process the criminal and background checks (which is currently taking up to four months). Once that comes back our home study will be officially complete and we can send all of our documents to Ethiopia for translation. And then we WAIT. We wait for a referral (information on the child they have matched us with) and then once we accept the referral we will travel about two months later. This all sounds like it could move pretty quickly but we imagine it will take about 18-24 months. It could be shorter or it could be longer. We don't have any real expectations, but are hopeful that it will be shorter rather than longer.

In other news...

We had a birthday party for the boys yesterday which was fun. Connor will be two on Friday and Andy will be four next Sunday. Man, time flies!!!

We are settling on our new house on October 31 and moving that weekend. We are very excited! Our house still hasn't sold, but we trust that God has a plan. We just don't know what it is yet.

rambling on the easy life

In church yesterday our pastor preached on Daniel chapter 3. Here's what stood out to me, especially regarding the things going on in our life right now...

You probably know the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, even if you are not a church goer. Here's a recap... It's a miracle story where three men stand up for what they believe in, God. They refuse to worship any other God and because of their refusal to worship other gods they are thrown into a fiery furnace. While three men are thrown into the furnace the king sees four men walking together through the flames. He opens the door and calls the men out of the furnace. They exit the furnace and not a single hair on their heads had been singed.

Before the men are thrown into the fiery furnace this is what they say to King Nebuchadnezzer:

Daniel 3:16-1816 "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”

They didn't agree to stand up for God and what he commanded because they knew he would rescue them in the fire. They believed that he was able to rescue them, but understood that in His perfect plan he may not do that. They placed no expectation on God to "come through" for them. S, M, & A understood that it was about God's glory and not their own. Surely they did not want to burn up in the fiery furnace but they said they would not conform in order to protect themselves.

I should begin by saying that no one has told me that if I do not do something they will throw me into a furnace, which makes it all the more sad that I struggle to trust God in these circumstances. Rather than seeking God's glory I seek my own and seek to protect my reputation. I doubt God's provision, or rather question what that provision actually looks like.

As I shared, probably months ago, we sense a very clear calling to expand our family through adoption. In order to adopt we need to move to a new home with more bedrooms. It's easy to say "God, we are moving so that we can adopt, which we know you want us to do. So, sell our house quickly." Then I expect that to happen. Yesterday I realized that I am expecting God to do this for us rather than trusting that he will work it all for our good and His glory. What are we supposed to do then? Obey. Trust the calling that God has laid on our hearts and believe what He has promised. We are never alone. He will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Can God sell our house? Yes. Does God have to sell our house? No. I want my attitude to be like S, M, & A's... "Lord, you can deliver us from this, but if you choose not to we will still trust you and obey."

I am so worried about whether others will think we are making a mistake moving into our new home while our house is still on the market. I feel a desperate need to justify our actions and make others approve of our decisions. I even want to try to explain it to those who would just think we were even more crazy for doing it with the reasons we have. I feel a drive to conform to what this world would consider "responsible" rather than trusting God to provide for our family, however He sees fit. I have even found myself thinking "maybe this is God's way of telling us not to adopt." The reality of that thought is that I am expecting that if I do what God is calling me to do things should be easy, and because they are difficult I want to give up. In that I am giving into the idea that life is intended to be easy. God's word says just the opposite about the believers life... "The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him." Romans 8:16-17.

This all leads me to believe that if my life is easy there might be something wrong. My life has been easy for so long I wonder how many ways I have conformed in order to keep it that way. What negotiations am I making with God in order to keep everything in my life calm and simple? If someone said to me "bow down to this idol or we'll throw you into the furnace" would I say "God can rescue me from this if He chooses and if not I still believe what He has promised"? Or, would I bow down intending to repent and seek forgiveness later? Would I justify my disbelief by telling God I have to do it because my kids need their mom? Would I suggest that because of the grace of God in sending Jesus to forgive me from such sins that I do not have to trust God and obey? There is such a fine line between this life of obedience that God has called us to as his children and living a life of legalism. Because of God's grace my heart desires to trust and obey, because of my sinfulness I fail. Thank you God, for sending Jesus!

Okay, Okay...

I know it's been forever. And this post will prove to be less than fascinating, but at least it's an update.

We put an offer on a house and it has been accepted. Our house is on the market and we are praying that it will sell quickly. We could potentially purchase the new home with our house still on the market but we don't really want to have two mortgages. I trust that God has already arranged what is best for us, so I'm not too worried. Though my sinful human nature worships control, so I do find myself feeling a bit anxious at times.

We shipped Andy S. off to India yesterday on a mission trip, so the boys and I are holding down the fort while he is away. I didn't expect it to be so hard to say good bye but it has been much more difficult than I expected. We've never been apart this long and I miss him already. I am so glad he is there though. We covet your prayers while he is away, for both the team and for the families left behind.

We attended our International Adoption Information Meeting on Tuesday night and it was a wonderful time for us. There was a lot of information (hence the title "information meeting") and it was a lot to absorb. It could have proven to be a bit overwhelming but as of now it has just gotten us more excited to get started. We are waiting for the Ethiopia program to open with our agency before we move forward because we believe that is the direction we should go in. Although, we are also finding ourselves open to much more special needs than we had originally thought so we'll see what God does. We know that He has already chosen the child for our family, just as he has chosen us for each other and our boys with their special personalities to be our children. When it's right I am confident that we will just know it.

Right now I feel like all of my life goes against my insatiable desire to be in control. The good news is that that is exactly what I need. I need to be stripped away of all that I worship that is not God.

Now, If you know anyone looking for a house in New Castle County here is a listing for a real winner: http://homes.realtor.com/prop/1088374986


Here's a few pics of the inside of our new house:

Living room

TV room

Master Bed

Office

There's work to be done!

I want to post, but there's work to be done. This is just a quick update...

We're moving!!! We saw a house last night that we really liked and it is only about two minutes from where we are now, so it wouldn't change Andy's commute to work, which is nice. We are going to try to look at a few more (we saw seven last night), but everything in me says this is the right house. It has the space we need for a price that is right. Sure, there are a few things I would change about it but nothing that really matters. I can envision myself spending the rest of my life there and raising a family. I told Andy that the bedrooms are so big we could put at least two kids in each. So, that puts us up to six kids (ha, ha) I shouldn't laugh at that. You never know what God is going to do and having six kids doesn't sound so crazy to me anymore.

I have more to say about all that is going on right now and the things I am learning, but no time to post. There's work to be done! We have to get this house sold.

A family for a child...

... not a child for a family.

This morning we filled out our preliminary application for international adoption. One of the questions was "What gender do you prefer?" Our definite answer is "male". The next question was "Will you accept either?" Ummmm.... We left that one blank for a minute or two as we answered the other questions. Then we talk about it. The conversation went something like this:

Andy: We aren't doing this for us, we are doing this for our child.

Janet: If we were pregnant we would accept our biological child regardless of the gender, why would it be any different in these circumstances?

Andy: I really would like another boy.

Janet: Me too. It's good to know that God is in control and He knows what is best for our family so lets just trust Him. If he wants us to have a daughter then we will love her as much as we would a son.

Andy: (checks "yes" box for we will accept either)

God is so good to us and we are so thankful for all that He is teaching us. I know that this adoption road can be a long one and I am looking forward to all that God is going to teach us in the process. I can't wait to meet my new baby. I feel the same emotions that I felt both times I found out I was pregnant. I am so excited and already falling in love with this child that I do not yet know. It's all a little surreal.

The plight of the orphan

Well, hubby and I have been home for about 3 days from a missions trip to Ukraine. We went there to serve in an orphanage in the rural town of Tulchyn. We spent 5 days at the orphanage. My primary purpose was to spend time loving and holding the children (something that they do not experience very often). Andy was working with an incredible team of men digging ditches to install a new sewer system for the orphanage.This picture is short one ditch digger.

Now that we are home I am finding it very difficult to find the words to describe what we saw and how it affected us. The very first day we visited the orphanage was beyond overwhelming. I found myself in tears nearly every five minutes and by the evening all I could do was sit on Andy's bed and sob. When we arrived at the orphanage we were given a tour of all of the facilities. Every room we entered smelled of urine. The children looked weak and lonely. Many of the children are not held at all except to be moved from one place to another. Thinking back I don't think I saw even one worker get down onto the level of the children to comfort them or teach them about anything. Even when the children were crying they were just told to stop. The children do not wear disposable diapers, but their cloth diapers are nothing like what we think of here in America either. Their diapers are more like the thinnest least desirable rags in my cleaning closet. When the children relieve themselves the urine comes right out of the rag and sits in the crib where they are all laying together. The cribs are nothing more than a solid plank of wood with a thin sheet laid over them. This is what they sleep on. The children rock themselves back and forth in their cribs in order to achieve some level of self comfort and often all it takes to calm them from this action is a loving stroke on the cheek and hand to rest their head in. Most every child is covered in a rash from scabies. This, mind you, is one of the top rated orphanages in Ukraine.

Think of what you would do if it was your child living in these conditions. We would turn the world upside down in order to remedy these conditions if these were our children. So, here's the thing... They are all created in God's image and this is not how God intended for people created in his image to live. We live in a broken world and this is one of the many results of our broken sinfulness. Knowing how these children are living, many of them barely surviving, must result in action on our part. What can we do?

The pastor of our church, who was with us on this trip, sent an email out to our group and in it were questions that are certainly plaguing Andy and me, and I am certain the rest of the group too... What will become of these children? Who will hold and hug them in our absence? Who will pick up where we left off in teaching them stories from the Bible? Who will sing to them?

We know that God is in control, and what we need to do is pray. Pray that families will be reunited and the children will be taken out of the orphanage to live with their families. Pray that God would raise up a church in this place that will be committed to spreading the gospel and supporting the local families and orphans. Pray that God would raise up families who are willing to adopt these children into their families and love them as their own.

I also believe that we can act purposefully to care for these kids on an ongoing basis. I hope and pray that we will be able to return to further care for them. We hope to form a partnership with this orphanage in order to promote better care of the children there and see more children placed in forever families. I pray that others around this country and the world would consider more fervently the plight of the orphan and consider what steps they can take to make a difference in the lives of these children.

Consider the words to this song...

Masterpiece
by Sandi Patty

Before you had a name or opened up your eyes or anyone could recognize your face,
You were being formed so delicate in size
Secluded in God's safe and hidden place.
With your little tiny hands and little tiny feet and little eyes that shimmer like a pearl,
He breathed in you a song and to make it all complete
He brought the masterpiece into the world.
You are a masterpiece,
a new creation He has formed,
and you're as soft and fresh as a snowy winter's morn.
And I'm so glad that God has given you to me.
Little lamb of God
You are a masterpiece.

Every child made in God's image is a masterpiece and deserves to be treated as such.

James 1:27
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and keep oneself unstained from the world.