I have really been struggling over the past couple of months to see myself as a daughter. You may be thinking "What the heck are you talking about? Of course you're a daughter with two loving parents!" Well, yes that is true I have two wonderful earthly parents who love me very much and show it in so many ways, but I have something that is even better than that... a Heavenly Father who loves me beyond measure.
I have head knowledge that tells me I am a child of God, but without my heart being able to understand and believe that, I live as an orphan. This had led me to a feeling of despair. I could see my sin and my yucky sinful heart and knew that I could not change it. I was forgetting that when God looks at me he sees Jesus' righteousness. There's a fancy phrase for it "imputed righteousness". The truth of the gospel is that because of God's plan to send Jesus to live a perfectly righteous life, die on the cross, and be resurrected I am forgiven. Just as Jesus is God's son, I am his daughter and he loves me that much. A friend of mine always says "You are worth one Jesus."
I have been praying, it came slowly and sometimes awkwardly when I was in this low place, but I knew that it was the only place I could go to seek rest. I had to admit to God that I couldn't do anything that I was trying to do. I can't stop worshiping my husband, children, and home above God unless he does that work in me through his Holy Spirit. I had to ask for help. I asked and he answered. He has given me an opportunity to be separated from these idols for a short time in order to serve others and bring glory to him. He will help me to rely on him and I can only do it with the strength he provides.
Then today, I talked with God. I kept coming back to him over and over talking to him about our house (the one that's been on the market since September). It went something like this...
"God, I don't know why you haven't sold our house yet, but I'm sure there is a reason. I would really like it if we could sell that house... If you don't want us to, that's okay too.... Well, God, I know that this is bold and I don't know if it is selfish, but I believe that you answer prayers so please sell our house before the end of the day tomorrow. If you choose not to do this please give me peace and give us direction as to what we should do with the house." (paraphrase)
Around eight o'clock tonight we got a call saying that an offer had been made on our house. We will go to sign papers and accept the offer in the morning. God heard my prayers and answered. I think it may be necessary to say that even if he had not sold our house I am confident that he would have answered this prayer by directing us in our decision making and helping us to trust him in all of it. God answered this bold prayer very clearly and in a way that was admittedly what I was hoping for but it is important to know that just because we think something would be best a certain way we can trust that God truly knows what is best for us and works all things together for the good of his children.
Here is the best news I received all day... not the house selling, but God hears MY prayers. He has been listening to me, little ol' me. I laid in bed tonight with tears streaming down my face thanking God for his faithfulness. Not that he was faithful to sell our house (which I am thankful for) but that he was faithful to remind me that I am his and he cares so deeply for me that he is listening when I am speaking to him. I feel like He has come down and wrapped his arms around me and said to me "I know you are having trouble believing, but you have asked for help to believe and I love you so much and care so much about you that I want to help you. Be still and know that I AM God."
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Thursday, December 27, 2007
A Wii for Mii
That's right, you read it correctly. I got the season's most desired gift from hubby. What does this mean? It means that today most of the muscles on the right side of my body are in terrible pain. I have wanted a Wii for a while, but definitely didn't think I would be getting one anytime soon.
Anyway... just a couple of days before Christmas I was standing in the check out line at the grocery store and a conversation about being done Christmas shopping began. Three other women and myself were sharing what stage of the game we were in. One women said she likes to wait until the last minute because you get all the best deals if you do this. I didn't say it, but I thought about the stress that would cause for me. I think an ulcer started to form just thinking about attempting that for the sake of a few bucks. (To give you an idea of how true this is of me, I already bought 3 Christmas gifts for next year.) Then the conversation turned to the Wii. Each women (all a good deal older than myself) said they couldn't believe how people will stand in line for one of those "silly" games. I quickly responded, without thinking, "Well, that is THE coolest game I have ever played! I might stand in line for one, but I guess it depends on how long the line is." I wish I had a camera to take a picture of the looks on their faces. I suddenly realized that I was the baby in the group and that they all suddenly thought I was much too immature to be a part of this conversation. Well, I hope they are all having fun with their new toaster ovens and wool socks while I am having a blast laughing and playing games with my boys.
It is the BEST gift ever! Thanks, Honey!
Anyway... just a couple of days before Christmas I was standing in the check out line at the grocery store and a conversation about being done Christmas shopping began. Three other women and myself were sharing what stage of the game we were in. One women said she likes to wait until the last minute because you get all the best deals if you do this. I didn't say it, but I thought about the stress that would cause for me. I think an ulcer started to form just thinking about attempting that for the sake of a few bucks. (To give you an idea of how true this is of me, I already bought 3 Christmas gifts for next year.) Then the conversation turned to the Wii. Each women (all a good deal older than myself) said they couldn't believe how people will stand in line for one of those "silly" games. I quickly responded, without thinking, "Well, that is THE coolest game I have ever played! I might stand in line for one, but I guess it depends on how long the line is." I wish I had a camera to take a picture of the looks on their faces. I suddenly realized that I was the baby in the group and that they all suddenly thought I was much too immature to be a part of this conversation. Well, I hope they are all having fun with their new toaster ovens and wool socks while I am having a blast laughing and playing games with my boys.
It is the BEST gift ever! Thanks, Honey!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
That's My Boy!
I laughed so hard I cried. I am so proud of him (and so glad we didn't forget our camera)!
Monday, December 10, 2007
too tired to write
I've been in a funk that I don't feel like writing about. With that being said, I thought I would direct you to our family photo page that I just updated for the first time in 7 months. I can't believe it's been that long, though it does make it seem like I post here pretty often when I compare it to that :o) Here's the link... http://clarkliving.blogspot.com/index.html
Enjoy.
p.s. In good news, we got our criminal history checks back already. This could have potentially held up the adoption process because it has been taking so long for them to come back, but our only took 4 weeks (others have been taking up to 4 months recently). Oh, and we're not criminals. We have the papers to prove it!
Enjoy.
p.s. In good news, we got our criminal history checks back already. This could have potentially held up the adoption process because it has been taking so long for them to come back, but our only took 4 weeks (others have been taking up to 4 months recently). Oh, and we're not criminals. We have the papers to prove it!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Settlement Day
Tomorrow is settlement day on our new house. We got some great news yesterday... We are getting the house for $8,000 less than we originally planned. Yippee!!! I am so thankful for this blessing, not just because it is saving us a little money, but because even in suffering I see God's faithfulness in confirming that we are inside of His will. With some of the things going on in our lives lately it would be easy to start to second guess what we know God has called us to, but He encourages us to press on. I believe that God is in all things and that every good and perfect gift comes from him, so it is to him that I credit this bit of good news. That being said, I also recognize that the suffering that we are experiencing is an attack from the enemy that God is allowing us to endure. He could take the suffering away, he has the power to do that but he chooses not to. Why? His allowing us to suffer is also a good and perfect gift because it will result in being pressed deeper into God. That is where I want to be.
Anyway, we start moving boxes tomorrow (as well as cleaning the place) and I will continue that process over the next few days. Saturday is the real moving day (with the big truck). Hopefully all that will be left to do on the weekend is move big pieces of furniture. I'll try to post some pics once we have the chance to make it look like our home sweet home.
Anyway, we start moving boxes tomorrow (as well as cleaning the place) and I will continue that process over the next few days. Saturday is the real moving day (with the big truck). Hopefully all that will be left to do on the weekend is move big pieces of furniture. I'll try to post some pics once we have the chance to make it look like our home sweet home.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I could say so much...
...but I won't.
The past five days have been something to write about, and yet I feel entirely incapable of doing that. I will say just a few things... God sent a man and his wife to our church to minister to us and to challenge us. Andy had the privilege of spending a week in India with this family in September and I am so thankful for the opportunity I have had to get to know them over the last few days and be encouraged by them. It has very little to do with the fact that they are such captivating speakers and so very much to do with the fact that the true desire of their hearts is to see God glorified. God has been preparing us to be a part of spreading the gospel globally and has graciously been preparing us for some of the ways this calling will affect our lives. I think I could comment on the entire book of 1 Peter right now, but I don't have the energy. My heart is heavy. Satan is attacking and he wants us to be distracted, but I know that we are not alone. Jesus is with us and promises not to leave us or forsake us. We were reminded this week in Luke 9:62 that Jesus said "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." God will grant us the strength to press on and not look back.
I will keep my commentary on 1 Peter limited to this, though there is so much I could say. 1 Peter 1:24-25 says “All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.' And this word is the good news that was preached to you." So concise! Nothing else matters but the word of the Lord. All that I cling to in this world will be gone, but his word will endure. Sharing the gospel is more important than my comfort, my reputation, or any other idol that I set up for myself.
The past five days have been something to write about, and yet I feel entirely incapable of doing that. I will say just a few things... God sent a man and his wife to our church to minister to us and to challenge us. Andy had the privilege of spending a week in India with this family in September and I am so thankful for the opportunity I have had to get to know them over the last few days and be encouraged by them. It has very little to do with the fact that they are such captivating speakers and so very much to do with the fact that the true desire of their hearts is to see God glorified. God has been preparing us to be a part of spreading the gospel globally and has graciously been preparing us for some of the ways this calling will affect our lives. I think I could comment on the entire book of 1 Peter right now, but I don't have the energy. My heart is heavy. Satan is attacking and he wants us to be distracted, but I know that we are not alone. Jesus is with us and promises not to leave us or forsake us. We were reminded this week in Luke 9:62 that Jesus said "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." God will grant us the strength to press on and not look back.
I will keep my commentary on 1 Peter limited to this, though there is so much I could say. 1 Peter 1:24-25 says “All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.' And this word is the good news that was preached to you." So concise! Nothing else matters but the word of the Lord. All that I cling to in this world will be gone, but his word will endure. Sharing the gospel is more important than my comfort, my reputation, or any other idol that I set up for myself.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Adoption, etc.
If you have talked to me at all in the past two or three weeks you probably know that we have finally begun the adoption process in an official way. After reading, waiting, and certainly some degree of impatience because of an the inability to make a decision, we have decided to pursue adoption from Ethiopia. We are hoping to adopt a child in the age range of infant to 18 months and we don't know if it will be a boy or girl. We are currently in the process of completing some initial paperwork and gathering some necessary documents. We have our first official Home Study appointment the first week of November (where we will go ever all the documents and information needed for our dossier) and hope to have our entire home study completed by mid-December. That is of course all but our fingerprinting. We can not go to be fingerprinted until me move and then we have to wait for the state of Delaware to process the criminal and background checks (which is currently taking up to four months). Once that comes back our home study will be officially complete and we can send all of our documents to Ethiopia for translation. And then we WAIT. We wait for a referral (information on the child they have matched us with) and then once we accept the referral we will travel about two months later. This all sounds like it could move pretty quickly but we imagine it will take about 18-24 months. It could be shorter or it could be longer. We don't have any real expectations, but are hopeful that it will be shorter rather than longer.
In other news...
We had a birthday party for the boys yesterday which was fun. Connor will be two on Friday and Andy will be four next Sunday. Man, time flies!!!
We are settling on our new house on October 31 and moving that weekend. We are very excited! Our house still hasn't sold, but we trust that God has a plan. We just don't know what it is yet.
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