What is Love?

I have no doubt that at least a few of you are following up my post heading by bobbing your heads and singing "baby don't hurt me, no more." I say this from experience (you know who you are, right girls?)

Anyway, here's what I'm learning about love as I have been reading the book "Love Walked Among Us" by Paul Miller. Be prepared as I will probably ramble a little, but it's better than nothing... I guess.

The most important thing for me to remember is that Jesus is the ultimate example of genuine and sincere love. He is the only person who has ever lived and loved perfectly. So, what are some of the characteristics of Jesus that demonstrate to us what real love looks like? Jesus shows compassion to the people he interacts with. This means that he takes time to look at them and tries to feel what it is like to be in their place. Jesus only seeks to bring God glory. He is not thinking of himself or how it will benefit him.

Love is often neither convenient nor efficient. Loving others may mean letting go of my plans in order follow God's plan for my life to love and serve others. One thing Miller says about this is...

"When we love we cease to be the master and become a servant. Loving means losing control of our schedule, our money, and our time. Instinctively, we fear a commitment to love because it means the end of so much. We wonder, if I love like this, who will be there to love me?"

As I read and learn more about what real love looks like I realize how little I have understood about love in the past and what little love I show to others. I think only of myself and how others fit into my tidy little life. Do I have time to serve a person in need at the very moment they need me? Well.... I can help them, but it might have to wait 'til Tuesday because today I have plans to run "important" errands. Do they have any time open from 2-4 that day? And then, what if they don't want my help? Well look out because some stuff is about to hit the fan.

Is my life, my heart, my home, my wallet open enough to let people in? Nope. Am I so consumed with protecting myself and loving myself that I leave no room for others? Yup, that one is me.

Often I pass up opportunities to love others because of my opinions of how they ended up in the given predicament. If they had made better decisions then they would not require myself and others to expend our energies on them. Miller also talks about something called "Beam Research - being honest without being judgmental" It is a lot easier to love people, if we first do as Jesus commands in the Sermon on the Mount. He says "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the beam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a beam in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5). About "Beam Research" Miller says "it says to first reflect on how we do similar things, and then use that information to be honest with our friend. When we own up to our problems first, our holier-than-thou attitude disappears, leaving only a compassionate honesty." All of this makes me think that if there is a situation in which I am bound to my friend to confront an issue in their life the only way I can do it in love is if I first confront myself and how I am prone to or engrossed in very similar or in some cases the very same thing. Also, there may be no need for confrontation, only love. Maybe the person sees this themselves and though repentant still suffers the consequences and needs love from their sister in Christ. My self-righteousness leads me to believe that I would never do something to cause myself so much trouble, yet I know the truth is that my heart is just as sinful as the next person. I just don't always treat people like that is the truth.

Now, here's a real doozie... Loving an Enemy

"Jesus even loved the people who killed him... He says, 'Father, forgive them, for they know do not know what they are doing' (Luke 23:34)".... Is Jesus a masochist? That kind of love sounds crazy. Won't we open ourselves up for more hurt? No. Think about it. There are two problems with enemies. What they did hurts, and as we obsess about what they did, bitterness sets in like a claw in the brain. We become so focused on the hurt that we don't notice the bitterness slowly eating away at us--like cancer of the soul. Bitterness quietly transforms us so we become just like our enemy."

I am really trying to wrap my head or heart, I should say, around this one. I know it's true, but it's such a stretch for my sinful human heart that I have to keep coming back to God and asking for his Holy Spirit to do this work of loving my enemies through me. And that is right where it's at! I can't love anyone, not even my husband and children, without help from the Holy Spirit. I have to continually ask to be filled with God's love so that it overflows to everyone in my life. I have to ask the Holy Spirit to move in me and take away my selfish motives and self righteous attitudes so that I can be free to love others. I see how often I fail and it can make me crazy sometimes, but a friend says it well "the mere fact that I don’t like feeling this way is evidence that the Holy Spirit is working on me already…and that gives me the encouragement and hope that I need to pray" (her blog).

So, have I arrived? Nope. Will I arrive this side of heaven? Nope. Praise the Lord for Jesus' love for me and his Holy Spirit at work in my life. I pray that while he has me here he will sanctify me through my relationships and teach me to love more like Jesus does. I might have more to say about all this love stuff at some point and maybe next time it will be composed a little better, but for now I thought I would share what I am chewing on.